Funded! This project was successfully funded on September 25, 2011.

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An original book of completely made up Finnish folklore that will underwrite Regretsy's goodwill tour of Finland this winter

Regretsy is extremely popular in Finland. Or it used it be, before hockey season started.

We don't know why.  We aren't Finnish, we don't speak the language and rarely blog about ice fishing.  We can only imagine it has something to do with our shared love of vodka and staying indoors as much as possible.

Naturally, we're curious.  But we're also American.  We can't be expected to learn about someone else's history and customs and things.  Oh, we looked at Wikipedia, but we lost interest when they started talking about the food.  

Wouldn't it be more fun if we just came out there?  We could stop by your job, or come over and drink milk right out of the container. We'd have so much fun with you this winter; especially around the holidays, when it's minus 600 degrees and everyone just wants to die.

But how to get there?  It takes a lot of juusto to get to Helsinki, especially now that they use Euros instead of pelts.

Then we had an idea.  

What if we wrote a book of fabricated Finnish folktales, hired some of your favorite Regretsy artists to illustrate it, and sold it in both e-book versions and a limited edition hard copy?  Wouldn't that be a fabulous addition to your burgeoning library of Finnish literature? We think so!  In fact, next to that dog-eared copy of Karpin Keittokirja, it'll be the most valuable book in your collection! 

And the best part is, since we're just making the whole thing up, we don't even have to waste time researching anything. That means we'll have more time to drink ourselves to death, just like our Finnish friends. You see?

We've also added some great premiums, including a bonus audio track, a personal phone call or handwritten note from me to you, and an autographed copy of the Regretsy book, published by Random House.

And if you're going to be in Helsinki, there's a special reward at the $200 level:  A dinner party at a top Helsinki restaurant, and I'll pick up the tab. And that includes drinks, virtually guaranteeing that the bar tab will cost more than the entire trip.

Even if you don't live in Finland or don't know how to read, you'll still get entertainment value out of this project. We'll be documenting all our adventures with photos and videos, so you can see our goodwill tour unfold, and have a front row seat for our inevitable arrest and imprisonment.

Pidän hirvipihivistä!

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    189 backers

    An e-book version of "Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland" will be emailed to you in pdf format.

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    115 backers Limited (385 left of 500)

    For a $6 pledge, you'll get the official Regretsy winter holiday card, signed and personalized by Helen Killer and Bronc Drywall, mailed to the person of your choosing (domestic and international shipping included). We'll also include some bonus stickers! It's the perfect way to say, "I care about you, but not that much."

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    168 backers Limited (82 left of 250)

    An e-book version of "Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland" will be emailed to you in pdf format, along with a handwritten thank you note from my personal stash of Regretsy note cards.

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    99 backers Limited (1 left of 100)

    A limited edition printed version of "Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland," handsomely bound in unsustainable plastic. (domestic shipping only)

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    93 backers Limited (7 left of 100)

    MORE BOOKS NOW AVAILABLE! A limited edition printed version of "Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland," hastily bound at Kinkos by a guy who never really liked us. You will also receive a hand written thank you note on one of my personal Regretsy note cards, and a worthless bonus item (domestic shipping only)

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    50 backers All gone!

    MORE BOOKS NOW AVAILABLE! A limited edition printed version of "Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland," hastily bound in plastic by some guy at Kinko's who secretly hates us. You will also receive a hand written thank you note on one of my personal Regretsy note cards, and a worthless bonus item (domestic shipping only)

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    100 backers All gone!

    A limited edition printed version of "Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland," handsomely bound in unsustainable plastic. You will also receive a hand written thank you note on one of my personal Regretsy note cards, and a worthless bonus item (domestic shipping only)

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    49 backers

    An e-book of "Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland" emailed to you in pdf format, as well as a special audio bonus track, recorded and produced by me. (PLEASE NOTE: THIS REPLACES THE SAME REWARD AT THE $50 LEVEL. If you have signed up for this reward at $50 level, please cancel your pledge and select this option for $25. Sorry for the inconvenience, I'm drunk)

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    198 backers Limited (2 left of 200)

    MORE BOOKS NOW AVAILABLE! A limited edition printed version of "Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland," attractively bound in plastic by some dude at Kinko's with a big Adam's Apple. You will also receive a hand written thank you note on one of my personal Regretsy note cards, and a worthless bonus item (domestic shipping only)

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    56 backers Limited (44 left of 100)

    A limited edition printed version of "Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland," handsomely bound in planet-hating unrecycled plastic (International shipping option)

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    64 backers Limited (6 left of 70)

    A limited edition printed version of "Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland," handsomely bound in eco-hostile plastic. You will also receive a hand written thank you note on one of my personal Regretsy note cards, and a worthless bonus item (international shipping option)

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    81 backers Limited (19 left of 100)

    MORE BOOKS NOW AVAILABLE TO INTERNATIONAL BACKERS! A limited edition printed version of "Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland," handsomely bound in eco-hostile plastic. You will also receive a hand written thank you note on one of my personal Regretsy note cards, and a worthless bonus item (international shipping option)

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    98 backers Limited (2 left of 100)

    A signed, printed version of "Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland", a hand written thank you note and - are you sitting down - a set of ten handmade collector pins, featuring Regretsy and CF4L artwork! This is a limited quantity reward and no more of these sets will be made available after these sell out. Pictures of the pins are posted under the UPDATES tab on this page.

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    48 backers Limited (202 left of 250)

    A limited edition printed version of "Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland," carelessly bound in plastic by some guy at Kinko's who thinks you're a jerk because you don't understand words like "offset." You will also receive a handwritten thank you note on your choice of Regretsy note cards or hoilday cards, and a worthless bonus item. AND - A customized Regretsy WTF weekly pill organizer, so you can keep all your Xanax and Soma from falling out onto the floor when you hit the brakes at the liquor store. (domestic shipping only - international buyers please add $5) See update #11 for more details

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    66 backers Limited (9 left of 75)

    A printed copy of the book, a worthless bonus item, a handwritten thank you note AND a custom merit badge by Robery Marbury, the Etsy artist behind the hugely popular Brooklyn Merit Badges featured on Regretsy. The design is a dazzling display of ignorance, coupled with a colorful Finnish swear word. I'm going to sew one of my coat and see how long it takes me to get into a fight in Helsinki. See a drawing of the badge under the UPDATES tab. Look for Update #12. INTERNATIONAL AND DOMESTIC SHIPPING INCLUDED

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    18 backers Limited (7 left of 25)

    Holiday pack: TWO limited edition printed versions of "Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland" (one for keeping, one for gift giving) attractively bound in cheap plastic at Kinko's. You will also receive TWO hand written thank you notes on Regretsy note cards, and TWO worthless bonus items! *DOMESTIC SHIPPING*

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    4 backers

    An e-book of "Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland" emailed to you in pdf format, as well as A SPECIAL AUDIO BONUS TRACK, recorded and produced by me.

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    148 backers Limited (52 left of 200)

    All right this is it - the final reward to close out the last hours of funding: A printed copy of the book, a worthless bonus item, a handwritten thank you card - AND - A Regretsy Hellephant flash drive with 1 gig of memory... BECAUSE A HELLEPHANT NEVER FORGETS! See update #13 for a picture of the drive and SQUEEEEEE! (International and domestic shipping included!)

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    65 backers All gone!

    YOU DRUNK BASTARDS! You bought out the first flasks in 90 minutes! I've just snagged another 65, so grab them while you can: a 6 oz flask with a handsome black carrying case, engraved with the Regretsy logo. Now everyone can see why you drink so much! You will also get a printed version of "Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland", a hand written Christmas card sent to you or anyone you desire and a worthless bonus item. DOMESTIC SHIPPING INCLUDED (international buyers please add $5)

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    24 backers All gone!

    A signed, printed version of "Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland," a handwritten thank you note and - are you ready? A HALF DOZEN SPECIALLY CREATED REGRETSY COOKIES from the amazing Pinwheel Bakery (photos of the cookies are posted under the UPDATES tab on this page)! And if that's not enough - and it never is with you people - you get 4 Regretsy sport cups for milk. Or booze. Whatever. I'm not here to judge. SORRY, DOMESTIC SHIPPING ONLY

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    25 backers All gone!

    I LIED! I just got 25 more stainless steel flasks from another supplier. The 6 oz flasks come with a handsome black carrying case, and are engraved with the Regretsy logo. You will also get a printed version of "Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland", a hand written Christmas card (sent to anyone you desire) and a worthless bonus item. DOMESTIC SHIPPING INCLUDED (international buyers please add $5)

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    25 backers All gone!

    ATTENTION MOBILE VODKA ENTHUSIASTS: I just got my sweaty hands on 25 more stainless steel flasks! THIS IS THE LAST OF THEM. The 6 oz flasks come with a handsome black carrying case, and are engraved with the Regretsy logo (which will come in handy when you wake up in front of the computer and want to know what you were reading). You will also get a printed version of "Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland", a hand written Christmas card (sent to anyone you desire) and a worthless bonus item. DOMESTIC SHIPPING INCLUDED (international buyers please add $5)

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    35 backers All gone!

    A printed version of "Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland", a hand written Christmas card sent to you or anyone you desire, a worthless bonus item and - HOT DAMN - an engraved stainless steel Regretsy flask and handsome carrying case, suitable for sneaking a few belts in at work. DOMESTIC SHIPPING INCLUDED (international buyers please add $5)

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    6 backers Limited (19 left of 25)

    Holiday pack: TWO limited edition printed versions of "Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland" (one for keeping, one for gift giving) attractively bound in cheap plastic at Kinko's. You will also receive TWO hand written thank you notes on Regretsy note cards, and TWO worthless bonus items! *INTERNATIONAL SHIPPING*

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    8 backers Limited (52 left of 60)

    The printed version of "Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland," beautifully bound in environmentally unsound plastic, a hand written thank you note and a signed copy of the Regretsy book, published by Random House (domestic shipping only)

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    9 backers Limited (46 left of 55)

    More trees die for the printed version of "Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland." You also get a hand written thank you note and a signed copy of the Regretsy book, published by Random House (international shipping option)

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    27 backers Limited (73 left of 100)

    For a $160 pledge, you get a signed, printed copy of the book bound in unsustainable, earth hating plastic (perfect for gift giving), a handwritten holiday card addressed to anyone of your choosing, a worthless bonus item AND.... one of 100 handmade editions by BANDmade books; maker of fine, hand bound art book on very special hand made paper. BANDmade founder Pam DeLuco will hand make the paper in this book from two very special fiber sources: a futon donated by the bass player from the band CAKE (and you can imagine what happened on that thing), and my own hideous dog caftan, memorialized on Regretsy as one of my top purchases of 2010. See the UPDATES tab for more information. DOMESTIC SHIPPING INCLUDED; INTERNATIONAL BUYERS PLEASE ADD $5

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    3 backers Limited (9 left of 12)

    We will take you to dinner when we get to Helsinki, and we will pay. Including drinks. Which is incredibly foolish on our part, but we'll just increase our limit on our credit card and worry about it in 2012.

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    1 backer Limited (19 left of 20)

    Printed version of "Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland", a hand written thank you note, a signed copy of the Regretsy book, published by Random House AND A SLOBBERING PHONE CALL OF GRATITUDE to you or anyone you choose

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Funding period

- (30 days)