Regretsy is extremely popular in Finland. Or it used it be, before hockey season started.
We don't know why. We aren't Finnish, we don't speak the language and rarely blog about ice fishing. We can only imagine it has something to do with our shared love of vodka and staying indoors as much as possible.
Naturally, we're curious. But we're also American. We can't be expected to learn about someone else's history and customs and things. Oh, we looked at Wikipedia, but we lost interest when they started talking about the food.
Wouldn't it be more fun if we just came out there? We could stop by your job, or come over and drink milk right out of the container. We'd have so much fun with you this winter; especially around the holidays, when it's minus 600 degrees and everyone just wants to die.
But how to get there? It takes a lot of juusto to get to Helsinki, especially now that they use Euros instead of pelts.
Then we had an idea.
What if we wrote a book of fabricated Finnish folktales, hired some of your favorite Regretsy artists to illustrate it, and sold it in both e-book versions and a limited edition hard copy? Wouldn't that be a fabulous addition to your burgeoning library of Finnish literature? We think so! In fact, next to that dog-eared copy of Karpin Keittokirja, it'll be the most valuable book in your collection!
And the best part is, since we're just making the whole thing up, we don't even have to waste time researching anything. That means we'll have more time to drink ourselves to death, just like our Finnish friends. You see?
We've also added some great premiums, including a bonus audio track, a personal phone call or handwritten note from me to you, and an autographed copy of the Regretsy book, published by Random House.
And if you're going to be in Helsinki, there's a special reward at the $200 level: A dinner party at a top Helsinki restaurant, and I'll pick up the tab. And that includes drinks, virtually guaranteeing that the bar tab will cost more than the entire trip.
Even if you don't live in Finland or don't know how to read, you'll still get entertainment value out of this project. We'll be documenting all our adventures with photos and videos, so you can see our goodwill tour unfold, and have a front row seat for our inevitable arrest and imprisonment.
Because I'm an idiot and I made a mistake. But if you bought a flask at $65, I will add an extra $5 worth of bonus items for you.
No matter what reward you select, I will personally phone you (or whoever you want to torture) if you pledge $250 or more.
"I like moose steak."
Support this project
- (30 days)