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In small towns everywhere, heroes don't do it for the money.

Looking for an Effing sweet gift idea? How about a piece of "Hosed The Movie"! This certificate is sure to be a hit for that "tough to buy for" S.O.B. in your life.

Give the gift of "Hosed The Movie"! **Just email us the name of the person you want to appear on this certificate.

Incase you missed it, here is the video of Juston McKinney on WOKQ promoting the Hosed Kickstarter campaign.

Hosed began as a web series that I wrote and created about a volunteer fire department in the fictitious town of Effingwoods, NH. The overwhelming support and demand from fans for more has led us to kickstarter. We are trying to raise $200,000 to cover the pre-production costs and get us one step closer to making this into a full feature film in 2014. 

THE STORY

In a small town where you can pick your friends but not your heroes, an underachieving volunteer firefighter played by Gary Valentine (Cousin Danny King of Queens), gets an unexpected shot at his dream.

SMITTY was supposed to be 4th generation Boston Firefighter. When it didn't happen, his only dream in life of becoming a full time firefighter was gone. No one was more disappointed than his father RICHARD (played by Lenny Clarke), who on the verge of retirement, and not wanting to become a stay-at-home dad, kicks Smitty out of the house. Smitty now a volunteer firefighter in Effingwoods, NH and working part time at the "Bait, Tackle and Tanning", is fighting to earn pay-per-call and earn the respect of his Dad.

But it won't be easy with Smitty's biggest foe, an unethical town SELECTMAN, who sees the fire department as a bunch of incompetent wannabes, steers the public funding to the town's one man police department, who happens to be his nephew, POLICE CHIEF KOPP. 

Living in the town of Effingwoods can take its toll, but one thing is for sure, if there's a fire, the heroes of the EFD will roll.

WHAT OUR FANS SAY

" Hilarious parodies! I grew up with my dad being a call fire fighter and was one for a couple of years in college myself. Thanks for taking what can be a very serious and depressing job and making it funny. Episode 2 [of webisode] nailed the fire fighters attitude in the bar. And the badge bunny was right on too ... lol ... I laughed so much at these 2 episodes I was practically crying!" - Amanda Berheisel

"Brilliantly hysterical!" - John Getty

"This was hilarious!!! I'm a volley and I got a huge kick out of it! Keep it coming!" - Michael Roberge

"Great stuff!! I added you to my favorite pages so hopefully you'll get more likes! Keep us laughing." - Public Safety Dispatcher's and Friends

"So funny, can't wait to see more!!!" -Invisablegrl

"Fantastic!!!!! And so true to life!!!! :) " - Patti Tate

"'Effing'-wood ... too 'effing' funny!" - Nennichka

THE TEAM

Director/Producer- Marc Dole

Marc Dole is an award winning filmmaker, Alumni of the NH state film commission, guest lecturer and advisor to schools, festivals and conferences.  Marc was named as one of the “it” people by NH Magazine in 2007 & 2011 and received the NH Filmmaker of the Year Award in 2010.  Marc spends his day producing and directing national commercials and viral videos for top brands in the US, and his indie films have been to over 100 film festivals around the world winning 20 first place prizes.  Marc is currently editing “Only Daughter” a film by Aaron Wiederspahn, and directing the documentary “In Danger of Being Discovered” the story of the Portsmouth music scene of the 1990’s.

Writer/Producer- Juston McKinney

Juston is a writer, actor and stand-up comedian who has appeared on a half dozen Comedy Central shows including his half hour "Comedy Central Presents" and most recently his 1-hour special "Juston McKinney-A Middle-Class Hole", which he executive produced. He has appeared numerous times on the "Tonight Show with Jay Leno" and appeared on the, "Tonight Show with Conan O’brien". He has had sitcom development/writing deals with Warner Brothers, CBS Productions, IFC and Comedy Central. His TV credits include; "The King of Queens", the Sidney Lumet drama "100 Centre Street".  His movie credits include "The Zoo Keeper and Here Comes the Boom". He currently lives in New Hampshire with his wife, kids and dogs. New Hampshire magazine awarded him "Best of NH 2013" and has named him on their "It List".

Producer- Stanley Pavuk

Stan is an Account Manager with a global IT company where he works with Fortune 100 companies, managing $15M book of business. Pavuk is the hard nosed financial brains behind the project as well as being the creative producer that filmmakers love working with. As a childhood friend of McKinney he often got the girl, or football fame that eluded McKinney, some may say he is the successful prototype for "Smitty".

Associate Producer- Dave Statter

Dave was one of the original super fans of the Hosed web series.  His enthusiasm and experience made us want to bring him on board for Hosed The Movie! Statter publishes the very popular firefighter website Statter911.com.  Most of his career was spent as a TV reporter in Washington, DC where he focused on covering fire and police news. Long ago, he was a volunteer firefighter at the Oxon Hill VFD in Prince George’s County, Maryland.

Hosed cast/crew
Hosed cast/crew

WHY KICKSTARTER?

Kickstarter was made for a project like this. I know it's hard to believe but for a comedian, director, and team living in New Hampshire it is practically impossible to get funding.  In order to cast the people we want with the story we want, we need to fund this ourselves.  Raising $200,000 will cover preproduction costs, which includes basics such as set locations, and casting. Meeting this goal will also show private investors that this project is worth investing in, allowing us to obtain the remaining $700,000 needed.

Juston Mckinney making Kickstarter video
Juston Mckinney making Kickstarter video
Official Member Window sticker! Be the envy of whole Effing neighborhood!
Official Member Window sticker! Be the envy of whole Effing neighborhood!

CAST 

Gary Valentine-Smitty

From Long Island, New York. Weighing in at a
hundred and blah blah blah.......... Valentine is
well known for his nine seasons as “Cousin Danny” on the
hit CBS sitcom, “The King of Queens”. In addition to appearing
on screen, he co-wrote a few “The King of Queens” episodes, which
he claims are the best. Elsewhere on the small screen, Valentine notably appeared on the television show “Men of a Certain Age”, which was written and directed by Ray Romano, and met with critical acclaim. Prior to his run on the series, he starred in his own half hour special on Comedy Central along with hosting “The X Show” on FX.

On the big screen, Valentine has worked alongside such Hollywood heavyweights as Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear (“Stuck on You”), and Adam Sandler (“I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry”). In addition to a number of specials for the Comedy Central Network, as well as a cameo in Jerry Seinfeld's lauded documentary, “Comedian”, he can be seen in such films as “Paul Blart: Mall Cop”, “Zookeeper”, and “Poolboy: Drowning Out the Fury”, along with the independent short film “Alive ‘n’ Kickin.“

Valentine also makes frequent appearances as a round table comedian on the popular E! Network late-night talk show “Chelsea Lately.”

Valentine is convinced that Adam Sandler said, “GV will be one of People magazines 100 sexiest stars......soon.”

Lenny Clarke- Richard Smith (Smitty's Dad)

Lenny Clarke is a legend of the Boston comedy scene which has led him to a very successful career in film and television.  He had his own show, Lenny, before being cast as Officer Lambert on the John Laroquette Show. Most recently he was cast to play Chelsea Handler's father in her NBC sitcom, Are You There Chelsea? He also played Uncle Teddy on the FX hit show, Rescue Me. Some of his films include, There's Something About Mary, Me Myself and Irene, and Fever Pitch.

Tom Shillue- Roland

Over the past several years Tom Shillue has shot a Comedy Central Presents stand up special, was awarded back-to-back ECNY awards for “Best Storyteller” and “Best Solo Show” for his run of “Supernormal” at PS122. A former correspondent on The Daily Show, Tom also performed stand up on Late Night with Conan O’Brien, appeared in the feature film Mystery Team. Tom is also a regular guest on FoxNews program RedEye with Greg Gutfeld.

But in 2013, Tom has: continued to release one album a month as part of his ambitious “12 in 12” project which features a new live comedy album with a different theme each month for a year. He’s also made multiple appearances on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, both as a stand up, and as part of The Rag Time Gals, Jimmy’s barbershop quartet. The Gals version of “Sexy Back” with Justin Timberlake went mega-viral and has been viewed millions of times.

Tom has also been a regular fill in as host for Greg Gutfeld on “Redeye” on FoxNews.

He’s performed in more than 50 theaters with Jim Gaffigan as the opening act on The White Bread Tour.

 Juston McKinney- Ben (See above)

Effingwoods FIRE T-shirt! Comes with any donation $50 or more!
Effingwoods FIRE T-shirt! Comes with any donation $50 or more!
Marc Dole & Lenny Clarke, 2011
Marc Dole & Lenny Clarke, 2011
On set of Hosed Webisodes, 2011
On set of Hosed Webisodes, 2011
Effingwoods, NH Fire & Rescue
Effingwoods, NH Fire & Rescue
One Effing Sandwich
One Effing Sandwich
Gary Valentine & Crew, 2011
Gary Valentine & Crew, 2011
On set of Hosed Webisodes, 2011
On set of Hosed Webisodes, 2011
Hosed cast & crew, 2011
Hosed cast & crew, 2011

Risks and challenges Learn about accountability on Kickstarter

Making a feature film is filled with various risks and challenges. The large majority of these challenges have to do with coordinating the many pieces that need to come together at the right time so the film can actually “be made”. Actors’ or crew member’s schedule changes, locations and/or sets not being available, or unexpected weather are all major obstacles. Fortunately, the key members of the cast and crew are just as excited about making this project as our many dedicated fans are to see it, and they are on-board and committed to making this film in the Spring of 2014. Speaking of our cast and crew, they are both filled with industry veterans that have combined over the years to make a large number of full length feature films, short films, sitcoms, webisodes, and a variety of other projects. This vast amount of experience greatly reduces the risks associated with a project like this as we have built a great team, with a record of delivering quality work. Of course, if there are any unforeseen issues that delay the production, we will keep you informed every step of the way.

FAQ

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    Pledge $10 or more – “Stop! Drop and be awesome!” You're an Official EFRD (Effingwoods Fire & Rescue Department) SUPPORTER! We will list your name on our website wall of fame as an official Supporter of Effingwoods Fire & Rescue. You’ll also receive up-to-date e-mails from Pre Production right through the premiere. This includes behind the scene photos and videos!

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    Pledge $35 or more – “One alarm, two alarm, three alarm!” You're an official MEMBER! In addition to the perks above, you’ll also receive an Member window sticker, boot koozie, and a signed certificate welcoming you to the EFRD (those stickers are Effing sweet, man!).

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    Pledge $75 or more You’re no fire virgin! You’ll receive a limited edition movie poster and an EFRD t-shirt! As well as all the other cool perks mentioned above.

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    Pledge $100 or more - You're a Lieutenant! Your Benjamin sparked some fireworks! In addition to the perks above you will also receive the official Effingwoods Fire & Rescue uniform patch. And a signed certificate designating you as a Lieutenant with the Effingwoods Fire and Rescue Department.

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    Pledge $150 or more - You're a Captain! You are fully involved! You just scored an official EFRD Polo shirt in addition to all the perks above. Soon your whole wardrobe will be Effing hot! And a signed certificate designating you as a Captain with the Effingwoods Fire and Rescue Department.

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    Pledge $250 or more - You're a Deputy Chief! FIRE! Just kidding. You get to sit down and receive an exclusive online screening of film. And of course everything the Captain gets, except your certificate will say Deputy Chief.

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    Pledge $500 or more - You're a Chief! CHAOS! In addition to the perks above you will also receive the limited edition autographed “Hosed Coffee Table Book”. This book will include additional photos from the production along with cast & crew bios and handwritten notes. It's a collectors edition! Oh, and a signed certificate designating you as the Chief!

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Funding period

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