Writing this description was really hard. I mean, I know exactly what my project is about and I feel like I could easily write about it forever. But the "problem“ is, that a lot of people are going to see it. People that I really look up to. Like, photographers that I admire, my professors that I want to thrill or fellow students that I somehow want to be part of but always seem so different. And I just want to be seen as a serious photographer who does serious work. But I’m not. I see my work as selfish and narcissistic. And although, I sometimes wish it was different, it’s still what it is. So I decided that I will just stick to myself and go through it, as honest and vulnerable as I'm able to.
Fuck me, love me, misread me. You have the right to do everything you want with my words. In the end, it doesn’t even matter because I'm going to do it anyway. The only thing that is left under my control is to stay true to myself and to put it out there for you.
It's about the publication of a book called "Fuck Me".
I always get kind of nervous when I have to introduce myself (my work) and the only phrase thats left in my brain is: "Hi, my name is Josh and I like to take pictures".
Although, I ignorantly think that this sentence describes the book in the best possible way, I'll still take my time, calm down and tell you more about it.
So the whole project is probably just about a feeling. And to describe it, I'll go a few years back and show you an old note:
But I discovered a way to do it.
I became obsessed with documenting the world around me. My camera was with me everywhere and it somehow became a part of myself.
It gave me permission to not be shy and the ability to show how intense and beautiful I perceive life. I found something where I can shamelessly express what I feel, my critical view on our generation and myself and my love for life in general.
With time, I also started to share pages of my notebooks and it was one of the scariest things I've ever done.
About the age of 18, I was so trapped in my mind, worrying what other people might think and constantly afraid of their rejection. I always thought that something was very, very wrong with me and I put all my energy into hiding this fact, even though I had no idea what it exactly was. It's crazy, but going to a family dinner or even for a bus ride after school was one of the scariest things I could imagine. Like one time, I was waiting at a bus stop and someone came up to me, probably asking what time it was, and I just blacked out and found myself on the floor a few minutes later.
I don’t tell you this because I want your compassion or anything, but to make you understand. Because the only thing that made it better for me was to look for these exact moments and to go through it, to be transparent and to talk about my confusion and fears. Allowing myself to be seen through my notebooks - as chaotic and vulnerable as I am - changed everything for me. It's the only reason why I'm able to write about it today.
By sharing these things, I realized that not only there are so many other people who felt the exact same things as I did, but that the rest of them don’t even care. And it was the best realization I could have ever made.
And since I changed a lot as a person, my photography did the same. It only felt right to do something like a book to reflect myself and to leave things behind.
So I spent most of my nights flipping through old notebooks, finding new series, taping everything together, only to rip it apart and to start all over again.
I became obsessed with the idea of letting other people feel the same things as I do.
It's somehow funny that the most hated part of myself became my most loved one.
And since I know that a lot of people who are reading this are struggling with similar things as I do, its even more important for me to get this out.
Well I know exactly that finding a way to express yourself isn't the cure for everything. But it's still such a massive tool that it helped me in so many different ways. It sounds cheesy, but this so important to me and I just need to get it out. Because in the end, all I care about is that my book finds as many people as possible who feel kind of lost or think that they're not worthy enough. Anything else isn’t really relevant to me. If I can inspire only one person to step out of whats expected or just to find the strength to pick up a camera and to do things in their own way - I'm happy.
About the Book
It ended up with 200 pages, filled with photographs and notes.
– 10,5 x 14,8 cm
– Open stetch binding
When I came up with the idea of a book, my first intention was that I wanted it to be affordable for everyone around me. I promised myself not to sell a copy for more then 20 Euro.
But if I would print only one book, its about 175 Euro.
And thats the reason why I need you as a backer.
The more copies I print at the same time, the less each one of them costs in the making.
And I need to raise enough money to print a minimum of 300 books in order to make it available for 20 Euro.
I guess thats everything I wanted to get out here.
For those of you who aren't familiar with Kickstarter Campaigns:
- It sucks, but unfortunately you need a credit card to back a project (just ask your mum if don't own one)
- You will only be charged if the campaign is successfully funded
I could never express how thankful I am that photography is part of my life.
But this project is at least a little hint to give something back and to show my appreciation.
Thank you with every inch of my heart,
Risks and challenges
There are very few risks associated with this project.
I know - it all looks kind of messy and chaotic, but I really dedicated almost every second of my spare time in the past months of planning the book. Everything is in its place and I feel completely capable of handling everything that will come up.
If the campaign is successful, I will immediately start to order the books in the mid of August. The printing house is already chosen and they have managed way bigger projects in the past. So I expect everything to go smoothly. The printing will probably take one or two weeks.
I'll pack and ship everything by myself and the help of some friends, so this will take another week or two.
You will find your package in your mail at the mid or end of September (probably earlier).
Since the book is almost finished, the only possible risk I can foresee is a slight delay in book publication. So if there is any chance of a delay, all backers will be informed of this.
Also, if you live in Dortmund or nearby, I plan to make a date where you can pick up the book. Just use "Shipping to Germany" and you'll get the shipping costs back.
Feel free to contact me if you have any questions or even if you just want to tell me how you feel about my book firstname.lastname@example.orgLearn about accountability on Kickstarter
- (31 days)