
Dear Internet,
Before the air turns frosty and the sun stays down longer, I have set the goal of making my next (and inevitably best) movie: SHIRT TERMINATORS.
It's the tale of Dwaide and Sandy, two young friends with some checkered history, doing community service in a church basement, who uncover a gun with a precise and weird power: it dissolves shirts. Not dresses, not suits, not pants, shorts, shoes, necklaces or hats - shirts only. Male, female or dog.
Now, because our boys are boys - and not men - they skip work to head to the park on a lovely day and go on a shirt-terminating rampage. The bold new power begins to pose some serious problems for Dwaide & Sandy, and they have to make tough choices between a flush (if risque) superpower and doing what may well be the right thing - destroying the gun forever.
Basically, if you put Bebop & Rocksteady, 2 Fast 2 Furious, Archie Comics, A Clockwork Orange, the Book of Genesis, Atlas Man, White Men Can't Jump, Egyptian Lover, Digital Underground, some bros, a lot of classic hiphop/R&B music videos and terrible pastel t-shirts into a blender and hit it to quit it, this movie would gush out.
We've all seen terrible self-serious student films and amateur productions. SHIRT TERMINATORS promises to be a surrealist tribute to sunshine, video, to having a full color palette and good friends.
We have a script, two stars, some extras, and about half the gear we need. But to cover production costs, food, costuming and avoid some rather ugly penny-pinching (see: above video) I'm reaching out for your help. $600 is a pretty sufficient amount; I promise your contribution won't be forgotten or misspent - you won't be donors, remember, but investors. Onward!
If we break $600, well.... KEEP DONATING! More materials = more options = better movies. (Unless I get too many options..... but that's not a problem SHIRT TERMINATORS is likely to have.)
You will get a high-five in the mail. Don't ask how!!
Your name will end up in the credits for SHIRT TERMINATORS under "special thanks". Might seem like small potatoes, but just remember - this isn't some corny Disney channel family special, it's SHIRT TERMINATORS.
Your name gets in the credits plus you will receive a signed DVD of the finished film.
You get the credit, the DVD and a special SHIRT TERMINATORS mixtape: whenever a group of people congregate to make a film, certain songs and phrases get stuck in the collective team-head and form the DNA of the shooting vibe. You'll be given your own blood sample - yeah!
You get all those refreshing treats plus a signed, limited edition SHIRT TERMINATORS t-shirt. Far out!!!
If you make the ultimate pledge, I will custom-make on your command a short film in honor of the birthday of someone you love. I'll need detailed advice, media (i.e. photos/drawings) and direction from you so it'll be your baby as much as mine - but consider this a wholly unique, one-of-a-kind digital birthday card. (2010 only.) ....And I'll take it as seriously as though I was driving Mr. Rogers' ashes through the Rockies in a 1932 Studebaker.
New York, NY
A nudnik seriously trying to consider trying to make it in the biggest nudnik factory on Earth.