SUPPORTER: You'll get updates on the project -- which includes access to the weekly reality show, Shaker Love. (produced, created, directed, filmed, edited and narrated by yours truly)

PATRON: You'll get a photo of a pair of shakers with a heartwarming or hilarious caption, sent straight to your door, postcard style.

BLIND ADOPTION: Adopt a random pair of shakers. Comes with a certificate of authenticity and a handwritten thank-you note.

START A FAMILY: Adopt a pair of shakers of your choosing. Comes with a certificate of authenticity and a handwritten thank-you note.

HERITAGE: Adopt a pair of shakers of your choosing and also get a one-page story about their lives together, a certificate of authenticity, and a handwritten thank you note. You can also video chat with your shakers before you meet them!

SHAKER ADVENTURE: Adopt a pair of shakers and get everything above, PLUS a disposable camera full of photos of your shakers having fun around Chicago / Charleston / NYC.

HOME MOVIES: Adopt a pair of shakers and get everything above, PLUS a short stop-motion film detailing your shakers' romantic past together.

SHAKER'S FIRST BREAKFAST: Get everything listed above AND ALSO I'll come to your house and cook you eggs and french toast. You can use the shakers to enhance the taste of your meal. I'll film the whole thing and put it on the internet. (Chicago / Charleston / New York City ONLY)

SHAKER'S FIRST [NATIONAL] BREAKFAST: Same as above, but I'll fly anywhere in the continental United States!

I'D LIKE TO THANK THE ACADEMY: If you donate the whole amount, you will get everything listed above, and I'll also remake your favorite movie using only salt and pepper shakers. You can keep all of the stars. ALSO, you can be the mother/father of every pair of shakers we don't find a home for!