Your name will be printed in the festival guide, in small print, as a Cheapy Cheap-face.

Your name will be printed in the festival guide, in small print, as a Very Gold Honored Patron

Your name will be printed in the festival guide, in small print, as a Kindhearted Philanthropist Jerk Off

Your name will be printed in the festival guide, in small print, as a Racist

Your name will be printed in the festival guide, in small print, as an Acquaintance of Eugene's.

An autographed headshot of Eugene that says, "AMERICA'S LITTLE DARLING" at the bottom.

A festival poster signed by Eugene + Eugene will write your name down on a piece of paper and hand it to a stranger sometime in the next year.

An official badge making you a Eugene Mirman Comedy Festival Marshal, which comes with the right to put people under “Eugene Arrest” (which isn't a form of arrest, but permission to ask someone if you can buy them a drink) + two drink tickets. Also, with this badge comes the right to ask anyone at festival where they grew up, when they had their first kiss, and for life-advice. Answers can not be forced, but flash the badge, and ask away. Double also, a cute photo of Eugene's cat will be emailed to you. (Note: this reward does not grant admission to any shows).

You are invited to a Pre-Show Meet & Hug with Eugene at The Bell House, 4pm on Saturday, September 17th + a poster signed by Eugene.

A birthday phone call from Eugene (for you or a friend) + An autographed ostrich egg that gets you and a guest into the VIP HUSH-HUSH AFTERPARTY, a roped off area in the middle of the main room of Bell House that will have complimentary champagne, cured meats, and fresh towels. So exclusive it sizzles; you will be the envy of everyone everywhere forever + a poster signed by Eugene. (Note: this reward does not grant admission to any shows).

An autographed ill-fitting children’s policeman, fireman, or army outfit that gets you and a friend after-show backstage access one evening to stand around awkwardly while comics talk about how their sets went + an autographed poster + a cute picture of Eugene's cat will be emailed to you. (Note: this reward does not grant admission to any shows).

Saturday VIP Robe that gets you into the following events on Saturday, September 17th at The Bell House: a Pre-Show Meet & Hug with Eugene + the Archer Panel, featuring Jon Benjamin and Adam Reed, creator of FX's Archer + The Talent Show Presents: The Drunk Show With John Hodgman and Ira Glass + access to the VIP HUSH-HUSH AFTERPARTY, a roped off area in the middle of the main room of Bell House that will have complimentary champagne, cured meats, and fresh towels. So exclusive it sizzles; you will be the envy of everyone everywhere forever.

Entry for you and a guest to the AWKWARD PARTY BUS with hors d’oeuvres and awkward surprises all weekend + access for you and a guest to one festival show (because of limited tickets, show must be arranged in advance) + autographed headshot + signed poster.

Eugene will record an outgoing message for your voicemail + access for you and a guest into the AWKWARD PARTY BUS with hors d’oeuvres and awkward surprises all weekend + autographed headshot. (Note: this reward does not grant admission to any shows).

You and two guests are invited to a rooftop BBQ on Eugene's roof on August 19th + admission and VIP passes to our anniversary show at Bell House on August 21st

Corporate Special! Your company will receive a fancy wall plaque that says "This plaque is to certify that YOUR COMPANY’S NAME has donated graciously to the Eugene Mirman Comedy Festival. That means YOUR COMPANY’S NAME is cool and 'gets it.' It means YOUR COMPANY’S NAME is attractive, possibly environmentally friendly, and a generous lover. This plaque certifies that YOUR COMPANY’S NAME is a brand that can be trusted, even in a blizzard or during war-time. YOUR COMPANY’S NAME is number one and we love you. Sincerely, The Eugene Mirman Comedy Festival"

An animal in our petting zoo will be named after you + you get an autographed WWII helmet that says DOUBLE VIP that gets you and a guest into two festival shows (because of limited tickets, shows must be chosen in advance) + You're invited to the Pre-Show Meet & Hug with Eugene at The Bell House, 4pm on Saturday, September 17th + access for you and a guest to the AWKWARD PARTY BUS with hors d’oeuvres and awkward surprises all weekend.

Your name will appear in the festival guide as a Secret Helper.

You and a guest are invited to a limo ride and dinner in Brighton Beach with Eugene and festival producers + an autographed WWII helmet that says DOUBLE VIP that gets you and a guest into two festival shows (because of limited tickets, shows must be chosen in advance).

A very nice backgammon board and eleven point match with Eugene + an autographed WWII helmet that says TRIPLE VIP that gets you into three festival shows (because of limited tickets, shows must be chosen in advance) + access for you and a guest to the AWKWARD PARTY BUS with hors d’oeuvres and awkward surprises all weekend.

You’ll be made the official sponsor of our festival merchandise. We’ll put up a picture of you and a paragraph about why we either like or dislike you (or your organization). When the festival is done, you'll get to keep whatever merch we don't sell (valued somewhere between $100 and $2,000). It is a really great investment, just ask any businessman.

We’ll give you $5,000 in $1 bills.

Eugene will fly to any domestic destination of your choice and hand deliver a letter for you to a mutually agreed upon person in an accessible location within the next year + access to the VIP HUSH-HUSH AFTERPARTY, a roped off area in the middle of the main room of Bell House that will have complimentary champagne, cured meats, and fresh towels. So exclusive it sizzles; you will be the envy of everyone everywhere forever + access for you and a guest to the AWKWARD PARTY BUS with hors d’oeuvres and awkward surprises all weekend + a weirdly decorated, very heavy chain that gives you and a friend access to all the festival shows.

A leather jacket covered in swears, culturally and racially insensitive messages and inspirational sayings that gives you and three friends access to all the festival shows + parties + a “handler” that will be assigned to you at the festival. This person will probably be around 22-years-old and only sort of helpful + 4 signed posters + a Vespa scooter with doodles by comedians all over it.

Paid accommodations in a nice hotel in NYC for all 4 nights of the festival + a weirdly decorated, very heavy chain that gives you and a friend access to all the festival shows + a “handler” that will be assigned to you at the festival. This person will probably be around 22-years-old and only sort of helpful.