A delightfully quirky collection of those moments, be they embarrassing, funny, or downright dreadful, that happen to all of us.
IMAGINE SWEEPING CINEMATIC MUSIC!
A boy in Kansas becomes convinced his mother is an extraterrestrial squid; a man exits a bathroom stall and comes face to face with a giant talking fish, and a maid cleaning a motel room gets a shocking surprise. These are just three of the tales you’ll discover in UTTER NONSENSE, a delightfully quirky collection of those moments, be they embarrassing, funny, or downright dreadful, that happen to all of us.
Join in the fun as:
- an Olympic skier tries to impress the ladies at an aprés ski bar
- a teenage girl has a harrowing experience cleaning her goldfish bowl
- a Jamaican man runs into a polar bear while camping in Canada
Ask yourself what you would do if:
- your father stripped and did a fanboy dance at a political rally
- you suddenly had the chance to make some extra cash in a Reno nightclub bathroom
- your mother showed up at your apartment at 1:00 AM and demanded your vibrator
No time to read? No problem! UTTER NONSENSE was written with today’s busy schedules in mind. The stories are short enough that you can pick the book up, read one in just a few minutes, and then get back to your day with a smile on your face. Be warned, however, you’ll want to read your favorites again and again, and with fifty in the collection, you’re sure to find many favorites.
What will funding be used for?
Excellent question! I’d want to know this myself. First and foremost, funding will go toward the production of the book. This means the actual printing. Believe it or not, I haven’t found anyone interested in doing this for free. I know — WTF?!
Funds will also go to the following:
- Purchase of image for cover design
- ISBN numbers, registration fees, and other costs associated with listing in the major online bookstores
- Envelopes, packing materials and postage (you do want me to ship it to you — right?)
- Kickstarter fees
- Taxes! (I offered to pay Uncle Sam in copies of the book. They said “Sure” — as long as they could send over several IRS agents to put my finances through their super-duper, government-issued lemon squeezer and make sure no cash came out.)
Risks and challenges Learn about accountability on Kickstarter
Delays are always a risk, but in this case they should be minimal given that the book is written (and rewritten and rewritten and rewritten). Still unexpected things do come up. Backers will be notified if anything significantly alters the production schedule.
The primary challenge — writing the book — like I mentioned is already accomplished. The remaining challenges include another (yes another!) round of editing, designing a professional cover, laying out the book for print, working through the printing process, and getting all backers their rewards in a timely fashion. What could go wrong?
Thanks for considering my project!
Have a question? If the info above doesn't help, you can ask the project creator directly.
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Pledge $10 or moreYou selected
UTTER NONSENSE *FRUGAL-SHOPPER* PACKAGE: Frugal Shopper? Why not? Besides "Cheapskate Package" would have been politically incorrect. A pledge at this level will get you one digital copy of Utter Nonsense in .PDF format as soon as it's available. Charge your tablet now. You know want it!Estimated delivery:
Pledge $25 or moreYou selected
UTTER NONSENSE *BOOK LOVER'S* PACKAGE: For everyone who still enjoys a physical book, a pledge at this level will get you a softcover edition of Utter Nonsense. Not satisfied? We'll throw in a digital copy to boot! DISCLAIMER: Although this package is for book lovers, actually making love to the book is not advised.Estimated delivery:Add $11 USD to ship outside the US
Pledge $50 or moreYou selected
UTTER NONSENSE *SIGNATURE* PACKAGE: You guessed it -- a pledge at this level will get you both the digital edition and a copy of the softcover edition signed by me. This will really add extra value when I become a mega-star. Imagine the Ebay auction. Better get two!Estimated delivery:Add $11 USD to ship outside the US
Pledge $100 or moreYou selected
UTTER NONSENSE *INSPIRED MOMENTS* PACKAGE: Does that sound a line of greeting cards? Well don't fret; it's way better than that. A pledge at this level will get you everything in the Signature Package PLUS (and this is the fun part!) Utter Nonsense Inspired Moments, eight short, interesting explanations of my personal, real-life experiences that inspired their counterpart story in the book. Talk about insight! But be warned, digging too deep into my brain is not recommended.Estimated delivery:Add $11 USD to ship outside the US
Pledge $300 or moreYou selected
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UTTER NONSENSE *MAKE ME IMMORTAL* PACKAGE: This is it! If you choose this option, you can tell all of your friends that you've achieved the height of luxurious living! A pledge at this level gets you everything in the Inspired Moments Package PLUS (wait for it...) you will be immortalized in print forever. I will rename one of the main characters (in other words one of the stories) after you. No I won't tell you which one -- that would ruin the surprise!Estimated delivery:Add $11 USD to ship outside the US
- (30 days)