To Be Or Not To Be just broke $500k. There's seventeen hours left and we broke half a million dollars in pledges. Thank you all so much!
Two days ago when I said I would "literally explode" if this happened I thought "hah hah there's no way this will happen, hah hah hah jokes are funny". Since then this joke JUST GOT REAL, and since Kickstarter's Terms Of Service mean I have to make a best-faith effort to make this goal come true, I have spent the past while scouring the OED looking for linguistic loopholes (my hobby).
Tell me about "literally", OED!
- In a literal, exact, or actual sense; not figuratively, allegorically, etc. Used to indicate that the following word or phrase must be taken in its literal sense, usu. to add emphasis.
- colloq.Used to indicate that some (freq. conventional) metaphorical or hyperbolical expression is to be taken in the strongest admissible sense: ‘virtually, as good as’; (also) ‘completely, utterly, absolutely’.
No help there, plus my opinions about "literally" are well-known. Okay OED, give us "explode", surely you can help us out there??
- trans.To clap and hoot (a player, play, etc.) off the stage; hence gen.to drive away with expressions of disapprobation; to cry down; to banish ignominiously. Also fig.Const. from, out of, and with double obj. Obs.
That's no good, nobody's going to be satisfied with me booing a performance of something using an obsolete sense of a word! What else you got, OED?
- To drive forth (air); to emit.
Hmm I could toot, I could definitely do a toot but that hardly seems like the best way to celebrate a publishing project reaching $500k. Though it probably has the virtue of never having been done before?
- intr.To ‘go off’ with a loud noise. Of gas, gunpowder, etc.: To expand violently with a loud report under the influence of suddenly developed internal energy; hence, of a charged jar, mine, etc. Of boiler, gun, etc.: To fly in pieces, burst, from a similar cause.
No OED this is precisely what I'm trying to avoid! Although I appreciate that you're now peppered with animated gifs I do NOT want to expand violently if I can avoid it; this is a life choice I made long ago. Last chance:
- trans.To cause (a gas, gunpowder, also a magazine, mine, etc.) to ‘go off’ with a loud noise; to ‘blow up’.
Ahhhhh YES - right at the bottom is the sense I need, and thank you transitive sense of verbs! I will cause something to explode. I will LITERALLY EXPLODE A THING.
Right now I think I will make a paper-mache thing and work with that, but I'll consult with my father (an ENGINEER) on the best approach towards making a explosions happen, and whatever happens YES there will be a YouTube video of it. This is a silly stretch goal but CONTRACTS IS CONTRACTS.
Dear diary: today we made a Shakespearean branching-path book reach the real world and we exploded something while we were at it. Don't even act like you're surprised, diary.
Once again, thank you all so much: To Be Or Not To Be has shot past every goal I could make for it, and now it's even shot past the silly ones. This is amazing, and there's still 18 hours left. Time enough for one last stretch goal:
- $525,000 = everyone already getting a sticker (check the rewards list to make sure!) will get another sticker that reads "I BELONG TO SOMEONE AWESOME" that will go great on your book, your laptop, or on your monster truck. Normally I'd worry about releasing such a powerful sticker into the wild, but I'm confident in this case that we are cool.
Here's one more illustration from the book: it's black and white here, but it'll be colour in the book, and it features Hamlet and Ophelia Winning Fights, Making Out, and Being Totally Awesome. It's by Carly Monardo!
Thank you all so much! We're in the end stretch now, and very soon we'll be switching gears from "kickstarting this book" to "getting this thing done and into your house".
I can't wait to share it to you!
seconds to go
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ONE FUTURE BOOK, PLEASE: You'll get a DRM-free digital copy of To Be Or Not To Be as soon as it's completed, that will last as long as we've got electricity and computers. This is the fastest and cheapest way to get the book!Estimated delivery:
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ONE PHYSICAL AND FUTURE BOOK, PLEASE: You'll get a SIGNED paperback copy of To Be Or Not To Be AND a digital copy. For non-US donors, please donate at least $30 total to accommodate shipping.Estimated delivery:Add $10 USD to ship outside the US
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TOTALLY SWEET: The physical and future book (signed book and digital copy!) plus some Kickstarter-only temporary tattoos! One is of T-Rex saying "Sup?" and the other is of Utahraptor saying "WHATEVER". Don't you want these on your skin? Probably?? For non-US donors, please donate at least $35 total to accommodate shipping.Estimated delivery:Add $10 USD to ship outside the US
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AMAZINGLY RAD: You'll get a SIGNED limited edition hardcover copy of To Be Or Not TO Be AND a digital copy. For non-US donors, please donate at least $60 total to accommodate shipping.Estimated delivery:Add $10 USD to ship outside the US
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SUPER AMAZINGLY RAD: Everything in AMAZINGLY RAD (signed hardcover book and digital copy) plus some Kickstarter-only temporary tattoos! One is of T-Rex saying "Sup?" and the other is of Utahraptor saying "WHATEVER". Don't you want these on your skin too? Probably you do?? For non-US donors, please donate at least $65 total to accommodate shipping.Estimated delivery:Add $10 USD to ship outside the US
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IS IT ALLOWED TO READ ONE BOOK MORE THAN ONCE, WHAT IF IT'S NOT: 3 paperback copies of the book, signed. Please give at least $15 extra in shipping for non-US orders.Estimated delivery:Add $15 USD to ship outside the US
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I WANT TO PUT THINGS ON MY BODY AND WALLS: Everything in the "TOTALLY SWEET" pack (signed book, digital copy, rad tats) AND a giant, gorgeous poster featuring an annotated flowchart for the entire book. You'll be able to go through the story just by staring at your wall. That's what living is all about, my friend.Estimated delivery:Add $15 USD to ship outside the US
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BEST BUDS FOREVER: a signed paperback copy of To Be Or Not To Be, PLUS a signed hardcover version too. And you get all the goodies in "SUPER AMAZINGLY RAD" tier twice! That means two bookmarks, two copies of the prequel, twice the tattoos, and so on. I hope fighting over who gets the hardcover version will not destroy your friendship :( Add $15 to ship outside the US.Estimated delivery:Add $15 USD to ship outside the US
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SUPER I WANT TO PUT THINGS ON MY BODY AND WALLS: Like I WANT TO PUT THINGS ON MY BODY AND WALLS (book + poster + rad tats + digital copy), but with a hardcover copy of the book instead. International donors please donate at least $100 total to accommodate shipping.Estimated delivery:Add $10 USD to ship outside the US
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GIANT ADVENTURES, GIANT POSTERS: Everything in SUPER I WANT TO PUT THINGS ON MY BODY AND WALLS (hardcover book, rad tats, digital copy, poster) but with the poster printed both regular (large) sized and TREMENDOUS-SIZED. You'll get 4 posters that combine, Voltron-style, to form a poster that is larger than your body in every dimension except thickness. International donors please add at least $15 to accommodate shipping.Estimated delivery:Add $15 USD to ship outside the US
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WHAT ABOUT ME THOUGH: Everything in the Super I Want To Put Things On My Body And Walls pack (hardcover book + poster + rad tats + digital copy), PLUS I'll write and sign and sketch a dinosaur in a separate pamphlet book containing a 100% all-new gamebook adventure starring YOU. Just tell me a bit about yourself and what sort of adventure you'd like to go on! You are now a patron of the arts with a custom minibook written about your wacky times! Put that on your epitaph, baby.Estimated delivery:
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PATRON OF THE FRIGGIN' ARTS: Everything in the Super I Want To Put Things On My Body And Walls pack (hardcover book + poster + rad tats + digital copy), PLUS I'll write a Dinosaur Comic on the subject of your choosing that will appear on the site. Just don't make it a terrible subject ("Sam eats poops, I saw it, I was there") and we'll be good. You will have the power to create an actual comic on any topic you choose. This will make you a literal patron of the arts. This is amazing. Also it would make a nice present for someone I'm pretty sure.Estimated delivery:
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ULTIMATE CHAMPION IN ALL POSSIBLE TIMELINES: Everything in the WHAT ABOUT ME THOUGH reward level, plus I'll paint a painting of T-Rex that you'll get to have in your house. This is a thing you can make happen. NOTE: I am not a very good painter is the thing. Thank you for supporting the book and in exchange I will make you the best painting I can but let's both go into this with our eyes open.Estimated delivery:
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ULTIMATE CHAMPION IN ALL POSSIBLE TIMELINES 2000: Everything in "ULTIMATE CHAMPION IN ALL POSSIBLE TIMELINES", plus your painting will be on a sexagonal canvas which makes it better and more valuable, plus you and I will have a nice conversation on the phone during where I'll ask you what T-Rex should be doing in the painting, and then we'll just talk about our feelings, during which time you will be given SEVERAL opportunities to choose where the conversation goes next.Estimated delivery:
- (30 days)