Kickstarter

I will claim you as my hero as my facebook status. Ex: "Gertrude A. is my hero!" (See how I can protect your identity and esteem you at the same time?) You may respond with dancing in a manner which pleases you.

I will write a witty acrostic poem with your name (or alias) and post it on my blog. I might even throw in some Italian words. (I took it in high school and have forgotten all but useless vocabulary)

I will take a picture in North Korea of myself holding a sign personally greeting you. I will smile very big. It will be a quality teeth picture. (I brush with Aquafresh Extreme Clean, by the way)

I will jump extremely high in aforementioned photograph and draw a picture of an animal of your choice on said sign. (Did I mention I took an art class this semester?) This will be a coveted commodity, for sure.

I will send you a postcard! And I will use pretty colored pens to compose a thoughtful yet succinct message. This may be hung on your fridge for as long as you desire. 
Framed, if you so choose! All your friends will be like, "What's that?" And you can reply as unctuously as you wish, "Oh, it's just the North Korean Adventure of a Lifetime."

I will send you keychain! It will be shiny. And you can put your keys on it! You can swing it around on your finger and saunter to your car. Saunter, saunter. It will be a delight for generations to come.

I will compose a song of thanksgiving for you, play it on the piano while singing a grateful melody, and put it online for all to enjoy. (degrees of enjoyment may vary)

EVERYONE'S FAVORITE: A T-SHIRT!!! Except I doubt anyone will back this much money. But rest assured, your generosity will be rewarded with pre-shrunk cottony goodness! Yum!