Kickstarter

A small but satisfying emotional payback, roughly equivalent to throwing a wad of paper into a wastebasket from 11 feet away.

An e-mail signed (in script font, so it actually looks like someone signed it!) by the playwright, director and artistic director.

The above, plus your name on a poster in the theater lobby.

The above, plus recognition in the program.

The above, plus a program signed by the playwright.

The above, plus a personal note from the playwright saying “Thank you for the nice money.”

The above, plus a signed copy of the first 10 pages of the script. (C’mon, with copying and mailing costs, you expect the whole thing? Plus, be honest, you’re not gonna read it.)

The above, plus 2 tickets to any performance that isn’t sold out (good luck with that).

The above, plus the opportunity to have your photo taken with the most attractive and/or scantily-clad member of the cast.

The above, plus a mix-CD of great Sixties rock songs used in the show.

The above, plus a copy of the playwright’s forthcoming book, “Funny: The Book / Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Comedy” (Applause; available June 5th; www.funnythebook.com). And no selling it used on Amazon for 5 bucks. I mean it. I will hunt you down like a dog.

The above, plus the opportunity to attend a rehearsal. Please note that the author is happy to listen to your suggestions on improving the play but while he nods seriously as you speak, he will actually be thinking about how he has to be home in an hour to give insulin to his diabetic cat.

The above, plus the opportunity during one performance to stand onstage before Act 2 and say one of the following phrases to the audience: “Oh wow…”; “Far out”; “I can dig it”.

The above, plus my first-born. (Subject to first-born’s approval.)

The above, plus I will do your laundry for 1 (one) year. (Subject to my availability. And, um, I’m kinda busy. And I’m not that good at doing laundry. Actually, forget the whole laundry thing.)

The above, plus a unicorn. (Subject to availability.)

The above, plus the opportunity to hear the playwright tell a somewhat amusing anecdote about writing for “Mork and Mindy”, “Saturday Night Live”, “The Muppets Take Manhattan”, “Police Squad!” or “Duckman”. (Please note: You are required to feign interest for a minimum 80% of the story.)

The above, plus Associate Producer credit. (Note: Associate Producer credit + $1 will enable you to purchase any product priced up to $1.)

The above, plus the opportunity to have sex with your favorite celebrity. (Note: You are responsible for finding and seducing the celebrity. Mr. Misch will be available to watch.)