I'VE BEEN PRETENDING TO BE PRETENDING TO HAVE DEPRESSION FOR PROFIT AND I'M SORRY
It was easy to pretend to be pretending to be depressed. I sat down and wrote ~650 words over the course of two days. One of the days I was writing, a roommate with anger problems I was kicking out of my apartment choked me and broke my drawing desk because of how strongly he felt emotions that he could not seem to express in another way.
For most of this year I've been taking 40mg of citalopram and 150mg of bupropion every day. I have no idea what they are or what they do or how the human brain works. If I listened to a neurologist explain how the brain works, I would continue to have no idea how the brain works but I would learn some new words.
I've spent ~7 years making comics and posting them to the internet in an attempt to connect with other human beings in any way, on any level. We have been trying to make sense of the seemingly causeless and sourceless pain in the world, and wondering why it seems like the pain we experience causes pain in other people, even when we strongly desire not to cause pain in other people.
I knew that people with depression (and people pretending to have depression) would be capable of conceiving of a world where despite all this, I was still a person who would choose to dismiss the validity of their experiences of pain. I knew that when depressed people expressed this sentiment toward me, despite my attempts to form a connection with them, I would feel "wounded" for a short time and I would imagine that everything I had done could be easily wiped out in the minds of all the people I want to connect with.
The people who believe I could be capable of some kind of systematic faking of depression are themselves faking this perspective. Even if it seems like they are not aware that they are faking this perspective as of yet. It still takes me some time to feel the emotional perspective I desire to feel.
We can think of something worse than what is happening. We can do this all the time. We can think up things that no one has felt horrible about before. We can be very creative.
I am attempting to make a home for myself where I feel safe emotionally and physically. I have lived off of very little money for the majority of my time as a cartoonist but chose this lifestyle because the desk jobs I've worked have helped make me desire to die.
The idea of a happy person drawing hundreds to thousands of compulsively melancholic stick figures "for profit" is a funny idea.
The idea that a person could believe that all depressed people are "faking it" is funny.
It would be funny if a mental illness caused someone to write the previous update in a sincere way. It would be funny if a mental illness caused me to write the previous update in an "insincere" way. It would be funny if the mental illness you have makes you interpret these words in this order in the way that you do.
pledged of $8,000 goal
seconds to go
May 12, 2012 - May 26, 2012 (14 days)
Pledge $10 or more
i willl send some kind of disparaging message to you or a friend via your choice of social network or e-mailEstimated delivery: May 2012
Pledge $25 or more
a signed copy of "sad pictures for children"Estimated delivery: Jul 2012
Pledge $35 or more
a signed copy of "sad pictures for children" with a little doodle and message drawn in it as wellEstimated delivery: Jul 2012
Pledge $50 or more
both pfsc collections, signed and drawn inEstimated delivery: Jul 2012
Pledge $50 or more
one copy of "sad pictures for children" signed and drawn in, plus an assortment of prints, pages from my sketchbooks, and other odds and endsEstimated delivery: Jul 2012
Pledge $75 or more
copies of both pfsc collections signed and drawn in, as well as an assortment of prints, pages from my sketchbooks, and other odds and endsEstimated delivery: Jul 2012
Pledge $100 or more
3 backers All gone!
a signed/drawn in copy of "sad pictures for children" and i will take a homeless person to eat somewhere and ask them about their life. i will then give them $100, and make a comic about them or about the experience. Then I will send you the original pages of the comic.Estimated delivery: Jul 2012
Pledge $200 or more
1 backer All gone!
copies of both books signed and drawn in, prints, and i will get some dmt, "do" the dmt, then make a comic about it and send you the originalsEstimated delivery: Jul 2012
Pledge $300 or more
2 backers All gone!
copies of both books signed and drawn in, prints etc, and i will go to the dentist or doctor for the first time in ~8 years, then make a comic about it and send you the originalsEstimated delivery: Jul 2012
Pledge $500 or more
3 backers All gone!
copies of both books signed and drawn in, an assortment of prints and sketchbook pages, and i will paint a large portrait of you or a friend as a stick figure. you will have to provide a picture or indicate the vague shape of the hair and whether it is light or dark hairEstimated delivery: Jul 2012
Pledge $1,000 or more
both books, prints, sketches, and i will travel to the city you live in and put up a large number of paste-ups in that city over the course of about one week, longer depending on if/how much i get arrested. continental u.s. only unless you are willing to pay for travel.Estimated delivery: Jul 2012