Kickstarter

From 1997 until 2009, I wrote a satire column called "Snide Remarks" just about every week. First it was for the student paper at my university, then for a city newspaper whose name escapes me now, and then for the Internets. I loved writing it! It made my face go "colon, hyphen, right parenthesis."

Tragically, however, I make a living as a freelance writer, and smiley faces don't pay the bills. (I have verified this.) I tried to keep writing "Snide Remarks" regularly even after it wasn't part of my job anymore, but eventually it stopped being feasible. Whenever I'd think of a good column idea, I'd then think: Sure, I could write that. Or I could spend the same amount of time and energy writing something for one of my bosses and get paid for it. I make a living as a freelance writer, but not such a living that I can just turn down paying gigs in favor of non-paying ones, you know? I gots to get paid, yo.

So I thought: How much would I need to be paid per "Snide Remarks" column for it to be worthwhile as a writing gig? The answer I came up with was $100. I did some quick math and determined that if I wrote a column every week for a year, minus two weeks off for vacation and to make the math easier, that would be $5,000.

That is my project bid for this gig. For $5,000, I'll write a year of weekly "Snide Remarks" columns, starting the first Monday in March 2011.

This isn't a subscription model. Everyone will be able to read these columns, whether they contributed to the Kickstarter campaign or not. It's like PBS: funded by viewers like you, but you get to watch it even if you didn't pay anything, as long as enough other people do pay something.

I will put my whole heart into these columns. I have yearned to write more "Snide Remarks" for a long time. I've wished there were more hours in the day -- or that one of my other gigs would suddenly start paying twice as much for the same amount of work -- so that I could do it. If the financial side of it is taken care of, this dream will become a reality, no pact with Satan necessary!

What will I write about? Oh, you know. The usual stuff. Whatever needs mocking. Feel free to peruse the archives to get a handle on what "Snide Remarks" is usually like. It will be like that.