About this project

What if I told you my mother loved the violets that grew in random patches in our front yard and would smile when I brought her a handful, placing them on the counter in our kitchen? What if I told you I know my sister Lei was her favorite child? What if I told you she would sing loudly and wildly off key to any John Denver song that came on the radio? What if I told you she shouldn’t have been a mother? What if I told you 13 days after my 14th birthday she would die?

My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer as I began the fifth grade. I was walking home from school when my older brother stopped me, asking me to get into the car. He drove me around our neighborhood for a while before telling me that mom had cancer. Cancer. I knew this was a bad word, one whispered for fear that the speaker would catch it if spoken too loudly. My great-grandmother had died of cancer two years previously, and now my mother had it, too. My brother asked me if I had any questions. I asked if she would die like Grandmother O’Bryant had. He said he thought not because she was young, healthy, and had more options than Grandmother had.

More options. More options included trips out of state for experimental treatments. More options meant hours of listening to my mother throw up, seeing her hair fall in chunks from her head. More options meant being shuttled between the relatives I barely knew. Eventually my mother’s options meant two months in the bonemarrow treatment unit. It meant 60 days in which I was only twice allowed in to see her, my birthday and Mother’s Day.

Then more options meant reprieve. Cancer, I thought, had left my world. My mother was feeling better, going back to work, driving. I went to middle school, went to my first dance, had my first boyfriend. My older sister became pregnant with her first baby, my brother’s daughter turned one, and life had begun again.

During seventh grade, Mom starting getting tired very quickly and stopped working. Cancer had come back. This time I was the only one of her children living at the house. It was now my responsibility to take care of her. I changed my after school routine: Remember to do my math homework, read Frankenstein, lay out Mom’s meds, make sure Mom had eaten, call Hollie to talk about the cute boy at lunch, clean up where Mom had thrown up her dinner.

My story isn’t unique. One in nine Americans will lose a parent before the age of 20. One in nine. Losing a parent during adolescence leaves that child at greater risk for depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and lower self-esteem.

Death of a parent in adolescence is also the least studied group when dealing with loss or bereavement. Yet 2 million adolescents will face dealing with the death of a parent before the age of 18. When polled 57% of adults who lost a parent during childhood said they would trade one year of their lives for one more day with a dead parent. 73% believe their lives would be “much better” if their parents hadn’t died young. 66% said after their loss “they didn’t feel like a kid anymore” (Hellogrief.org).

In 1992, 43,063 women in the U.S. died of breast cancer. One of those women was Barbara Jean Edwards-- my mother. She was 47 years old. She left behind a husband, one son, two daughters, two granddaughters, and a lifetime of questions. I hope to answer a few of the millions of unanswered questions I have about who she was, who I am as a result of her death, what cancer does to a family through this project. I hope to help answer the question of what happens to daughters after the breast cancer death of their mothers.

AUDIENCE
In addition to the primary target audience of adults who lost a parent in childhood and their families, the documentary will reach a wide international broadcast audience. These viewers include educators who teach about cancer and loss, medical professionals involved with the treatment of cancer, and family care doctors and psychiatrists who deal with parental loss. A particular focus is the larger membership and potential supporters of organizations involved with supporting families who are currently dealing with the breast cancer and the total health of the family, such as Hospice, Gilda’s Club, Barnardos in the UK, and Carers Australia. Organizations dealing specifically with helping children through the loss of a parent who have died will also be tapped.

Thank you for your interest in this project and anything you may be able to contribute to the filmmaking process. If you have any questions or comments please email me, I would love to hear from you. Also if you would like to make a tax deductible donation the Louisville Visual Arts Assoc is the 501 c3 for this project.