Burnt is a story of the delusional reality that exists when society no longer does. The flames of isolation burn bright.
Burnt is a novel that I am currently about 20k words into. The problem is, like many authors that start their own Kickstarter is that I haven't finished the damn thing yet, and I want to. Not only that, but I want to be able to cover publishing costs. So here's the deal, the money from this Kickstarter isn't to live on, to buy groceries or booze (I don't drink anyway) or pay for my helper monkey. The money is to cover publishing costs so I don't have to take that out of my "feed my kids" money. Get it? So, after watching that idiotic video that pretty much covers the gist of the book, besides Spawn & Wayne Gretzky, you're probably asking - what the hell is Burnt about and why the hell should I give a hoot? Settle down. I'm getting there.
Burnt started out as a tiny short piece of fiction posted on the internet. From there, I took it into Google Docs and started fleshing out the story. You can immediately tell the tone, but you have no clue what is next. In fact, neither do I to a point. I mean, the $500 reward lets you insert characters into the story!
Ok, I do have a pretty concise outline. This is a post-apocalyptic tale like no other before it, and trust me, I've seen every post-apocalyptic movie out there (even Waterworld) and read most of the books concerning the subject. Instead of focusing on a greater journey of the people, or solving the worlds problems, this focuses on three days in the life of two isolated people. It starts off with today, explores yesterday then takes them into tomorrow. That's it. But those three days are going to be more dramatic and psychologically explosive than any other before them.
That's the basic gist of Burnt. My style in this regard is a little bit of Cormac McCarthy, a bit of introspective a la Kurt Vonnegut and a lot of my own neurosis and paranoia. Look, if you like Zombies and teen romance, then read a different book, cause there is none of that in Burnt. There is love, loss and lust and a bunch of other words that start with the letter L because there are a lot of very popular words that start with that letter.
So why should you back this project? Who the hell am I to ask you for money? I'm nobody. You can check out my profile. I write for Wired.com. I edit. I proudly represent Gunnar Optiks. I make dirty jokes on Twitter all day. Should all that make you care? Probably not. I mean, there are a lot of books out there on the shelves out there, a ton of authors who are probably better at this than me and so on. However, if you know me or know someone who knows me, you know damn well this book is going to be freaking awesome. And if this one is mildly successful, you know that I'll be drunk on my own awesomeness and my second novel will blow your tits off.
I'm a writer, plain and simple, and this is what I want to do for a living. It's been a tough road, but I think with your help I can achieve it. And if this Kickstarter fails, I'll probably finish the book and self-publish it anyway. I'm a simple guy. I could fill up this space with rhetoric and colorful analogies and complex algebra for no real reason, but that won't help get my point across.
So, before you even click the donate button (because you will cause I'm in your head, twanging your neurons) just let me take a moment to say thanks anyway. You see, even if you don't donate, you've seen the title of the book, you may have read the short story behind it all, and you now know my name. So perhaps we'll meet again in the future. If you did donate, and you feel all delightful and squishy inside, share this project with your friends and networks. It will warm the cockles of your heart. And be sure to hit me up on Twitter with any comments, questions, ideas, random insults, brownie recipes or otherwise inane thoughts. I'm out here in cyberspace all the time, trying to keep the scanners out of my head.
Donating to a Kickstarter is an investment. You aren't just helping getting this future award winning book published, you are helping get the next one published, and the next one and so on. I'm not sure what they are going to be about (although I have a billion ideas written down that are all as equally awesome as each other) so we'll work on that. Together. Because once I have your email address, I'll use Kickstarter to send you crazy ass spam and pictures of lolcats. Just kidding. But we'll keep in touch, I'll involve you in the creative process for future books and we'll hang out in cyber space and be all stalker buddies and what not.
If I buy your book, can I send it to you in the mail for you to sign? I'll be getting the electronic version.
You can page me. I have a payphone app.
Are you actually going to write the book, or is this money going to be deposited at the Hard Rock Casino?
I'm not allowed back in the Hard Rock Casino. Something about pants and wearing them. And yes, I'm writing this book and am going to finish whether you people give me money or not. The difference is whether anyone will get to read it besides me.
Because I added like 20k words to the original 600 word piece and the story is not done.
At this point I can't validate the quality of the paper, but considering that you are out to save money you have to consider the quality of your desire to possibly wipe yourself with sandpaper if it saves you a couple bucks. Frankly, if you really wanted to save money you wouldn't hold out for a paperback novel (which I hope you at least try to read first), you'd just grab a towel or use leaves like the rest of us poor people. Man, you one percenters. Toilet paper. Sheesh.
Well, that's an interesting question. Here's the deal, sometimes you feel like a nut.
Regardless of who I chose, invisibility would render me blind, so let's not do that.
I don't know where you heard that, but I am no longer planning on having them extended. This after months of extensive research and a pit fight with a hypnotist.
If they weren't called secrets then I could probably tell you, but if there is one thing I know, it's that Hitchcock still haunts these halls and I don't like to piss off the spirit world.
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Ash Level: Ten bucks. To put it in perspective for you, that's half a delivery pizza. That's 2 lattes at Starbucks. That's it. It ain't a billion dollars. It's ten bucks. For ten bucks you get the book, for free, via digital copy for whatever device you need it for.Estimated delivery:
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Flaming Twig Level: In my book, the world has ended and people are starving to death. If they had 25 bucks, they wouldn't be buying the fresh catch at Outback. That's right. $25 is a nice meal. Hell, maybe it's a new shovel. For this level, you get your electronic copy of the book, plus you get a second copy to gift to a friend. Boom. Now you're the most popular person in the room. Additionally, you get a nice poster of the book cover art (which won't be the picture above, it'll be more awesome) signed by me. You can hang it above your bed you little freak you.Estimated delivery:
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Blackened Log Level: This is where it gets freaky. Can you feel the freaky enter the internet? I can, I'm pumping it in. For this $75 reward, you get the previous reward, plus you get a signed & numbered, limited edition softcover of the book which I'll probably end up printing myself, quite terribly. I can almost guarantee it'll be the ugliest and cheapest soft cover book you'll ever see. You can use it to soak up fluids. I don't care what kind of fluids. (Add $10 for international shipping)Estimated delivery:
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Bonfire Level: You go out on the weekend, you go to Wal-Mart for milk, you come home with $100 worth of weird stuff that wasn't on the list. You got a shopping cart full of condoms, ice cream, a nail file, some paint thinner and so on. At this level, you get all the previous rewards plus I will hand write you a long and ridiculous personal note on the inside of the front cover. Seriously, it'll be nuts. (Add $10 for international shipping)Estimated delivery:
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Melted Face Level: You are like, why'd you skip a bunch of numbers? Because, I got confused by the math. So here's the deal with this level. This is crazy. I mean, are you wearing adult diapers cause you totally should. You get all the previous levels plus I will tear off the cover of the book and replace with a wild, hand drawn completely one of a kind original new cover. I'm actually a pretty good artist too. Ask my mom. (Add $10 for international shipping)Estimated delivery:
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Johnny Storm Level: Remember that time you had to get four new tires for your truck and the guy added on alignment without telling you? This is totally cheaper than that. So not only will you get all the previous stuff, but I will create a character in the book, modeled after you (first name and likeness) and then kill off that character in a most likely violent & disturbing manner. (Add $10 for international shipping)Estimated delivery:
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Accelerant in the Room Level: In 1995 I almost bought a 1972 Camaro for $1000. It rode way too close to the ground and had some Flintstones style holes in the floorboards. Here's what two of you get for your $1000. You'll get the Blackened Log Level rewards PLUS I will write a 2000 word short story about you and your life, totally fictional of course, that will be published in the back of the book after the credits roll. I will also give you 5 extra copies of the book to give to friends & family. BAM. CAN YOU DIG IT?Estimated delivery:
- (30 days)