Dorks Versus Orcs! Twenty interconnected short stories about growing up with small-town D&D-ers. Winesburg, Ohio with nerds swearing.
NOW WITH MORE DELICIOUS WRITING SAMPLES IN EVERY BITE!
THE FIRST TASTE IS ALWAYS FREE
Since the stories aren't published yet, I am unable to offer up a sample from Twenty-Sided Die. But here's a link to my blog and a sample from my forthcoming horror novel, A Well-Oiled Machine. It's a little more gruesome than what you'll be getting here, but it should give you a little taste of what to expect. Be forewarned, it's pretty savage. http://sixdemonprisco.wordpress.com/2013/06/17/the-first-taste-is-always-free/
$10000: All backers $10 and above will receive a copy of Side Quests. An audiobook recording of Twenty-Sided Die will be created and awarded to all backers $10 and above.
$8000: An eighth story will be added to Side Quests. Either "Same but Worse," "Pelican Soupy," or "Crucify the Lips." All backers at the $10 level will receive FIVE stories from Side Quests.
$7000: A seventh story will be added to Side Quests called "Lathander's Blessed Spoon of Teething." All backers at the $10 level will receive FOUR stories from Side Quests.
$6000: A sixth story will be added to Side Quests called "To the Pain." All backers at the $10 level will receive THREE stories from Side Quests.
CURRENT REWARDS ADJUSTMENTS:
All backers $20 and above receive a physical copy of the book, a digital copy of the book, and the entire collection of seven short stories in Side Quests. ("To the Pain" and "Lathander's Blessed Spoon of Teething" now included.)
All backers $10 and above receive a digital copy of the book, and will be able to choose FOUR stories from the Side Quests collection.
WHERE WE STAND:
Twenty-Sided Die is now a book! We're going to print! For all backers $20 and higher, you will receive a physical copy of Twenty-Sided Die and a digital copy. Side Quests will still be made available only as a digital copy.
Our mysterious backer has upped the ante. All contributions to the cause will be matched up to $8000. This does not effect your reward levels (giving $10 does not entitle you to the $20 reward tier), but it does enable me to be more generous with my rewards. So keep giving! And THANK YOU!
We're here for your gold, chucker.
Welcome to Twenty-Sided Die, a world of adventure and awkwardness! Of dungeons and dorkistry! Of basilisks and band geeks! Of monsters and masturbation!
Join our heroes as they traverse the wild wastelands of Quakertown, Pennsylvania – at least the twisted alternate reality version of my hometown. Our intrepid youth fight against vile abercrombies, psychotic quarterbacks, and fast food heartattacks. Former summer camp counselors bonded through the furious dice-chucking of bimonthly D&D games, our wily warriors wage war with sword and snark, battling their tormentors – and sometimes each other.
Twenty-Sided Die is a collection of twenty interconnected short stories chronicling a year of small town mischief, heartbreak, and nerd-dom. It's Stand by Me meets Freaks and Geeks, leaning a little heavier on the Geek. Let's call it Dorks Versus Orcs.
For anyone who ever spent hours in a sweaty basement chucking dice and swilling sugary soft drinks, pretending to be a broadsword wielding barbarian or fierce fire-slinging warlock. For anyone who ever got jammed in a locker or suffered the indignity of a nuclear wedgie. For anyone who ever fell madly in love with someone in a midnight Harry Potter release line. These stories are for you. Also if you like dwarven dick jokes.
You may have enjoyed my mad foul-mouthed scribblings on the pop-culture site Pajiba. You may have sat and guffawed at my evening of one-act plays, Dodgeball with Fat Kids. You may have been privy to my drunken ramblings while dressed as the Pope. Either way, you know, I'm a devious wordsmith, a warrior-poet punching you in the kidneys with my poetical prattling.
TABLE OF CONTENTS:Here's a tentative list of the working titles of the twenty stories. These are entirely subject to change, modification, and elimination. But I wanted you to at least get a feel for what you can expect:
1. Opening Day
4. Human Consumption
5. All the Gold
6. The Wages of Sin
7. Hack and Slash
8. A Steady Hand
9. Gun Club
10. The Dragon
11. Judas Goat
12. Geek Out
13. Fast Car
15. Axe Wound
18. Pipe Bomb
19. Chopping Block
20. I Kneel For No Man
Here are the six stories that are being included in SIDE QUESTS:
1. So Sayeth the Psalm
2. Cavern of Forbidden Delights
3. Third Saving Throw
4. All Too Real
5. Everlasting Provisions
6. To the Pain
Your contribution can help bring my dreams into harsh, unforgiving reality! All funds will be used to cover my expenses while I whittle away on the word processor. You aren't just buying some pretty kick-ass stories, you're lighting the fuse on a hellbent rocket ship to the moons of Uranus! Okay, well, not really, but you are heaping together a nest egg that could hatch into something mighty and spectacular. You're laying the foundation for infinite possibility. Haven't you always wanted to fund a dancing typewriter monkey? HERE'S YOUR CHANCE!
Others have already said they believe. Our cover illustration above comes from talented illustrator Peter Harren (www.peterharren.com). Buy his stuff. And your contribution will be doubly blessed! For a generous and mysterious benefactor has promised to match all donations up to $8000! So every dollar you drop gets magically doubled! It's the best kind of magic! The kind that puts more money in my pockets!
Who knows how this journey will end? Fame and boundless riches? A webseries with a million hits based on the antics of my small town minions? A dwarf dead in a gutter with vomit in his beard and a broken, embittered heart? Only you can take the chance.
Roll crits, friends.
Risks and challenges Learn about accountability on Kickstarter
The only risk is a broken heart. Seriously, I've got a bum ticker, and I'm built like a baby George R.R. Martin, so at any point I can perish. But other than that, these stories will be written. I'm giving myself until the end of the year to write them, and let's face it -- life does find a way -- so they very well could be slightly delayed while I find willing beta readers and editors and the like to make sure you get the finely-crafted stories you so richly deserve. But, hell, the way I work, these babies could be hot out of the oven even earlier. And should we break on through to the other side of $5000, we might hit some delays in making this trade paperback a tangible reward. Other than that, all I need is your love and support to make this a reality.
Does the matching contributions of the mysterious benefactor count towards the stretch goals and rewards?
No, they do not. The amounts set for the stretch goals must be contributions from other backers on Kickstarter. I have factored in the mysterious benefactor's contributions when considering total cost to myself for the project. All mysterious benefactor contributions are a private consideration towards myself. So if you contribute $10, you will not receive the $20 reward. A separate donation is being made at the same time. I apologize if this isn't abundantly clear.
seconds to go
Pledge $1 or moreYou selected
What's an Orc?: Backers get my heartfelt thanks and admiration and a shoutout on Twitter and/or Facebook. It's not really worth much, but consider it an Interwebby hug. And a kiss. It's your dime.Estimated delivery:
Pledge $10 or moreYou selected
Heroic Tier: Backers get a digital copy of Twenty-Sided Die! All twenty thrilling stories emailed directly to you. You will also be personally thanked in the Gratitude section of the book.Estimated delivery:
Pledge $20 or moreYou selected
Paragon Tier: In addition to the digital copy of Twenty-Sided Die, and personal thanks in the Gratitude section, you will also receive an additional EXCLUSIVE short story!Estimated delivery:
Pledge $50 or moreYou selected
Epic Tier: Not only do backers get the digital copy of Twenty-Sided Die, personal thanks, and TWO EXCLUSIVE short stories, but you will also receive a hand-crafted gaming bag for storing your dice!Estimated delivery:Ships within the US only
Pledge $100 or moreYou selected
Gods and Monsters Tier: The ultimate reward. ALL OF THE GLORY! Personal thanks, Twenty-Sided Die, TWO EXCLUSIVE short stories, and a hand-crafted gaming bag that will be personally monogrammed as well as a set of dice that have been blessed with good fortune to always roll well.Estimated delivery:Ships within the US only
- (31 days)