THE MAHALO I'ma make you a funny digital thank you card that you can then send to a friend when they do something nice for you.

THE LEI Download of an unreleased song in mp3 format. It's a great one called "Fable." (And totally safe for work.)

THE WAI KI KI Two previously unreleased mp3 downloads.

THE MAHI MAHI A copy of my EP, "Size Matters" and a copy of my debut CD, "Ukelear Winter, signed however you like and sent anywhere in the US plus The Wai Ki Ki (see above).

THE ALOHA Limited edition t-shirt, designed and silkscreened by me on American Apparel shirts.

THE GRASS SKIRT You get The Mahalo, The Mahi Mahi, and The Aloha (see above).

THE COCONUT BRA Song commission and recording, audio and video ***I write you an original or parody song about whatever or whomever you like. I will interview you and do research if necessary to write the best, funniest song possible about the person, place, thing, or abstract concept in question. You'll get a CD with a pretty cover, an mp3, and a video of me performing the commissioned song, I'll also include a lyric sheet and a chord sheet.

THE COCONUT BRA AND GRASS SKIRT (See descriptions above.) Two great tastes that taste great together.

THE LUAU (Or is it the Lu-WOW?) You get ALL of the above, plus you get a Ben Lerman show at your house, office, industrial park, Target, wherever you want within the continental US and Canada as long as it's legal. IMPORTANT: You will also be responsible for covering all transportation costs not included in the $600 pledge.