Good morning Twig friends.
So, it came to my attention (from a couple of friends ) concerns (for me) regarding my last update. They were concerned that my day to day experience was that of failure and lack of accomplishment. They wrote to reassure me and I appreciate this.
I wanted to clarify that I write and share this creative and life process with you because I seek a certain transparency of self. To be seen through.
During the day...there are periods of not much thought ....where I find myself moving about in a very present state. And then thoughts come in that would suggest I am somehow 'less than' or not enough.... ....that I need to strive to become a better version of me. It seems to me this is possibly a common experience ...one of vacillating from a state of present awareness to a non-present state. I don't think I am specially afflicted this way :)
Now sometimes I can be particularly amused by the absurdity of the "shoulds" my mind comes up...worthy of a laugh or a shake of the head. And then sometimes I get caught...I forget....and there I am, attaching to a painful belief about myself. And it is only when I am attached to these thoughts that I find myself suffering. Telling myself I am disappointed, angry or frustrated "by life".
When I find myself in this place of believing painful thoughts about myself I often become quiet (sit or lie down) bringing a deep presence to these sensations in my body. I watch mind try to tell me I have always been this way and life will always be this sort of 'painful experience'. If I am able to bring presence to this experience it is like inviting the unwanted in ....'inviting the monsters in for tea' the saying goes. There is space for these sweet monsters to breathe and have a life. They have simply been misunderstood and taken for a real threat. Cultivating awareness in this way shines light on that which was previously unconscious and helps me see and experience the true nature of reality.... Then I can notice that these sensations(anger disappointment etc) not only change immediately but that it is their inherent nature to be in flux..... everchanging and undulating like waves in the ocean.... rising and falling and disappearing. Each rise falls back into the whole of the sea of non-being or non individuality. What I thought to be anger can hardly be called anger any longer. Disappointment is rendered unrecognizable...all becoming a meld of amorphous sensations with no good or bad implications to be found. The illusion has broken and I am adrift in mysterious deep dark waters of blue nothing. I love my path. It is perfect.
The thought that "I have enormous things I haven't accomplished in life", or that I have "little time and much to accomplish on so many fronts" are nothing but a particular movement of mind that would keep me from experiencing the present moment. I am grateful to have the ability to allow these things to pass and fall back into the nothing place from whence they came. They are not real even if I believe them for a time This path has changed how I see life unfolding and rather than things happening "to" me (victim)- I am beginning to see how all things are happening 'for' me....each moment being an opportunity for me to wake up to my true unconditional nature... to my wholeness with all that is.
This project(Twig) is perfect. Remember I said my biggest challenge would be to navigate through the story "I can't do this". Well that remains the biggest challenge! And , again, I notice the project IS happening . Albeit slowly! It is happening and i am very happy for that. What is it that will be brought to me today that I think or will feel insurmountable!?...... I remain curious.
Thank you to each one of you, again, for your contribution to Twig. For my ability to work on this project and these particular challenges. in gratitude.
So, just as I was typing out the last bit of this update I kept hearing this wren outside carrying on...she was going crazy. I thought to myself....it sounds like she's upset because there's a snake out on the ground or something...so I head out to the deck for a look-see and this is what I found.....
rat snake. I have seen her before several weeks ago , in the wood pile. We even saw a 12 inch long new rat snake baby...I assume hers. I have been looking for her but hadn't seen her since.
I love how dark, smooth and rich the tail end is
Bout 30 feet up. She literally went up the side of this tree! I would have thought a snake would wrap around the tree to get up it but she went straight up the face. Unbelieveable!. She came down the same way. head first straight down the side. I thought fer sure gravity would get her. nope. wow. very interesting. excited I saw her today.
I looked up snake spirit, snake totem......
here is a short answer...
Here is a longer article on snake medicine if this sort of thing interests you.....
hmmm, mysteries of life....I am excited.
be well, Heidi