But for one moment let's relive those whirlwind moments earlier in the drive when success wasn't a dead certainty, when Gregg Turner's career seemed more kaput than Milli Vanilli or Pauly Shore.

In this exclusive, unreleased Update episode, Pass Fail School for Girls' most popular trustafarians, Blake Fargo-Halliburton and Mindy Monsanto waste a few more worthless hours in their undeservedly privileged lives checking on the progress of KICKSTARTER funding for Gregg Turner 'Plays the Hits'.

Disheartened to discover Gregg is still 3000 bucks short of his goal, the girls put aside their brief flirtation with KICKSTARTER-style charity and godless socialism and return to their dreams of marrying a hedge-funder, a summer home in Jackson Hole and showering their future children with indulgent luxuries, unwarranted praise and compulsory cosmetic surgery.

In conclusion, we still want all the money you can spare. Any surplus will be used for the Gregg Turner Library at Trump Hall, Pass Fail School for Girls, the Hamptons.

With only 63 hours to go every contribution helps — even the smallest.

Those of you of modest means may have said to yourselves, "any cruddy little contribution I might make isn't worth diddley and who the screw cares anyway — the low-end premiums are pure crappola."

Not so my pauperized slackers and working class stiffs. Consider this — a mere 3 dollars gets you a lifetime Facebook membership* with Gregg Turner 'Plays the Hits' autoharpist, Billy Miller! Think of the fun you'll have when receiving unexpected Facebook video calls from Billy — calls that are guaranteed to alter your take on reality and spin your head around faster than a weather vane in a Category 5, landfall typhoon.

(*Offer is irrevocable. Lifetime Facebook friendship with Billy cannot be cancelled and Billy cannot be blocked. Permission to terminate friendship with Billy Miller can only be granted by White Noise Records who rarely do it without a substantial financial "incentive" or psycho-active "gifts.")

Download What You Get for 3 Bucks* for your iPhone

Calls like these:

With only 4 days left to pledge to Gregg Turner 'Plays the Hits' and $700 short of Gregg's KICKSTARTER goal, Blake & Mindy discuss the gloomy possibility of a world without recordings of Bobcat Bite and The Pharmacist at Walgreen's. In spite of the compulsory Pass Fail School for Girls' Ritalin and Zoloft regimen, it appears that our girls, apprehensive and uncertain, are verging on violating school policy and expressing actual dissatisfaction and chagrin.

Can you stand by unconcerned and aloof watching these once-promising young women toss their lives into the fetid dumpster of despair? Of course you can't. Dig deep and give generously. Help Blake & Mindy maintain their upper-class American birthright of immediate gratification, perpetual bliss and undeserved privilege. They need Gregg Turner 'Plays the Hits' and so does everyone in the Free World.

You don't want the terrorists to win, do you?

Well, do you?

Then, pass this message along to a friend!

Download What about the Children for your iPhone

Gregg Turner 'Plays the Hits' is excited to share Professor Zrilic's invaluable third and final lecture. The inimitable Professor, always on the vanguard, discusses advanced marketing techniques and philosophy, product design and branding while he weaves in the importance of friendship, loyalty and community. If you would like to book Professor Zrilic for your school, company or institution please drop us a line and we will be happy to put you in contact with him.

Thanks to all for your fantastic support! Please continue to spread the word on this project — so the dream of Gregg Turner 'Plays the Hits' can become a reality.

Download Djuro Zrilic's final lecture for your iPhone

This message, at 0:49 seconds is 7 seconds shorter than the Minutemen's Futurism Restated. That's all bassist extraordinaire, the legendary Mike Watt, (Minutemen, fIREHOSE, dos, Banyan, Stooges) needs to make his point — support Gregg Turner "Plays the Hits" on Kickstarter.

Only 12 days left to contribute.

Do it now.

Hesitation is for sissies.

(video: Nicole Panter for White Noise)

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