Kickstarter

Well, I'll say right away that I'm not done.  I have a bit over 40,000 words of material, my editor/agent is really excited about my work, but it's not a book yet.  The pieces I've written need to be stitched together and there are still a few missing from the tale.  I'm disappointed with myself for not meeting my own timeline in spite of the schedule I held myself to, but maybe the short side of three months was overly ambitious for a project like this.

This doesn't mean I'm stopping my work, however.  Far from it.  Not only do I owe you loyal backers a book, but I am determined to see this through.  Given the existence of certain bestsellers and the interest they've piqued in the mainstream populace, Wishes Were Horses absolutely needs to happen, and happen as soon as I can get it out there.  I don't want to be overly critical of a certain author who has seen far more success than I ever will, but other voices need to be heard.  Now is the time, and I have the experiences to provide a true account of kinky relationships and the subtleties that came with them.  For you, for myself, and for everyone, this project will be completed.

On the advice of my editor, I've decided to give this project the time it needs rather than trying to throw together something of poor quality in the next week.  That doesn't mean I'm going to relax my efforts, just that I am going to see the book to it's true completion, rather than throwing together a sorry excuse for a manuscript.  Classes start for me next week, but it is my intent to keep writing regularly.  Until this book is done, my life is classes and Wishes Were Horses.  I confess that the pace of my writing slowed when I lost my computer and I encountered some fatigue towards the end of August along with a fair degree of anxiety about my progress that didn't make things easier.  I appreciate that you guys are still paying attention to me, but don't worry that I've forgotten.  I've so thoroughly not forgotten that sleep has become a challenge as I ruminate over the incessent forward march of time and the fact that I am behind.  Motivation is less of an issue for me than not driving myself so crazy that it impacts my work.

That said, you all were expecting to have a book to read soon, and I won't be delivering it on time.  I don't feel good about that.  If there were something not too time consuming that I could offer everyone who backed me in addition to their reward package, what would you guys want?  If I can come up with something good that won't delay the book even more, I'd like to enhance your rewards to compensate for my tardiness.  I am indescribably grateful for your support, and don't want there to be any mistake about that.

I appreciate your patience and continued support, so what say you, dear backers?  Is there something small you'd like that I could give you?

It turns out that living without a computer in this day and age is pretty crippling.  My laptop screen cracked internally two weeks ago, but as of last night I have it back with a new screen so I can transcribe and revise the notebook of Wishes Were Horses content that I've been filling with this ancient device that I'm told is called a pencil.

It feels really nice to type again.  I have posted for your reading pleasure a second little journal entry HERE.

Back to transcribing for me!  The cat on my lap disapproves of my hands tapping on this keyboard instead of petting his head, but he'll have to cope somehow.  Cats are all little Doms.  They're born to be worshipped and they know it.  Any denial is you failing to do your duty to serve them and does not respect the natural order of things.  It's true.  Just ask one and he'll tell you so.

Sorry, Kitty.  I already have a Master so you'll have to be content sitting in my lap without active petting.  There's a book that needs writing, and my fingers are required for that.

~Zil

Hello again!

Due to concerns about how it might impact future publication opportunities, I can't really post excerpts of what I've been writing for Wishes Were Horses itself.  However, in my free time from writing the book, I've been writing other things.  HERE is a short piece that came out of my life recently, but lives beyond the timeline of Wishes Were Horses itself.  It's all part of the same ongoing story, though.  I hope you enjoy it!

~ Zil

Hey all,

I come to you with a question. The more I work with my editor, the more he suggests that I present this story as fiction instead of nonfiction. Oh, and once it's fiction, change this or that detail to make characters more sympathetic.

On one hand, I understand where he's coming from. He thinks presenting it as nonfiction will reduce its chances of success with publishers. I don't particularly want to set a bad example of kinky people because Zil smokes cigarettes and has engaged in drug use or what have you. I don't want to lose credibility because Zil is too "crazy" (here defined as: thinking and feeling things outside of the norm, but not unhappy or dysfunctional).

On the other hand, I think part of the story's power is its truth, and that presenting it as fiction will reduce it to a bodice ripper that takes itself too seriously. Furthermore, characters have flaws, just like real people. Sympathetic people do unsympathetic things all the time. If I omitted everything but the sunshine and rainbows, it wouldn't be a good book to read. Where do rainbows come from, anyway? If a reader wants to disapprove of me or my work, they have every right to do so. Maybe they'll even start a discussion about it with their friends and everyone will have learned something by the end of the day. As far as credibility goes, I'm not claiming to speak for anyone but myself. I'm not telling you what every kinkster thinks, or even every masochist or submissive or slave. My writing represents my nature and opinions, and those of the other characters to the extent that I can based on experiences with them. Must I say only what people are comfortable hearing?

Anyway, my opinion on this is pretty clear. Am I just being obstinate? Am I being stupid for wanting to prioritize the integrity of my work over its marketability?

Most of all, which would you rather read?

(I've wanted to post more samples for you, but my editor has advised me to be very careful releasing material that may later be published.  I'm working with him on a solution, hopefully I'll have something cool for you to read soon, even if it's not book material.)

Best!

~ Zil

Just and update to let all of you know that I'm very much up and going on this.  I've settled in for summer and been writing daily, learning to navigate the difficulties of penning a story so full of of dependencies that the chronology is critical without getting blocked trying to write it start to finish.  I have so many anecdotes to tell, and they all add up to so much together, but working out the weave of the whole narrative is a (fun and interesting) challenge.

I'm working with an editor who is really excited about this project.  This little story keeps gaining interest.  That definitely lights a fire in me.  More accurately, it fuels the fire that you backers lit with your support.

Regarding rewards, I'm holding out on sending out surveys until I've got your things to give you.  I wouldn't want to ask for an e-mail address or mailing address only to have it become obsolete by the time I send you your rewards.  The surveys will go out as soon as I'm able to ship the last item to be ready in your package.

I've got an ever-growing pile of new material drafted, and once I've polished some relatively standalone pieces, I'll put them up on my site and post another update.

Best horses to you all,

~Zil