You get a sticker of our elite Jacob Weinstein-designed, masculine-yet-tender orange-and-black logo. No one leaves this fundraising drive with empty hands.

You get a shout-out from one of our popular Twitter accounts or, if you prefer, you get a postcard from an exotic locale such as Michigan or New Jersey. Plus a sticker.

You get a Classical-branded chip clip. Where are the obligatory Cheetos? Hey there, Frito-Lay! Plus a sticker and a Twitter shout or postcard.

You get a set of letterpress greeting cards, made by hand, with inspirational quotes from such sporting heroes as Derek Bell ("I'm going into 'Operation Shutdown'") and Metta World Peace, f.k.a. Ron Artest (“I’m a big fan of the Nobel Peace Prize”). Plus a sticker, a Twitter shout or postcard, and a chip clip.

You get an exclusive e-book of The Classical's eponymous first anthology (think of it as our product number FAC001), full of not-available-elsewhere essays from all of our writers and contributions from our friends—some famous, some Internet-famous, some just quietly awesome. Note that this anthology is literally exclusively available through this Kickstarter drive. Think about whether you can afford *not* to give us this $50. Plus a sticker, a Twitter shout or postcard, a chip clip and a greeting card set.

You get a stylish T-shirt designed by Jacob Weinstein and featuring our home logo. We don’t need to sell you on the socioromantic possibilities this shirt will open for you. (Note that this, too, is available exclusively through our Kickstarter drive.) Plus a sticker, a Twitter shout or postcard, a chip clip, a greeting card set and the exclusive e-book anthology.

You get a handsome limited edition hooded sweatshirt designed by Jacob Weinstein and featuring our Sunday road colors. Twenty years from now, while mourning the replacement of the internet in favor of direct transmission to the brain, you’ll wear this and enjoy a sense of wistful nostalgia. (Note that this as well is available solely through our Kickstarter drive.) Plus a sticker, a Twitter shout or postcard, a chip clip, a greeting card set, the exclusive e-book anthology and a T-shirt (layering possibilities).

You get an essay on the subject of your choice, at a rate so far below market that it may violate European trade law, from the writer you love best (demand pending). You tell us what you'd like to read about—the significance of sports in Saul Bellow? the 1993 Charlotte Hornets? string theory and the SEC?—and we will write it up for you. Plus a sticker, a Twitter shout or postcard, a chip clip, a greeting card set, the exclusive e-book anthology, a T-shirt and a hooded sweatshirt.

You get any one of the famous FreeDarko prints that you’d like! These are not available anywhere else, so if you ever wanted one and missed out, this is your chance to ride with Doc Brown. Plus a sticker, a Twitter shout or postcard, a chip clip, a greeting card set, the exclusive e-book anthology, a T-shirt and a hooded sweatshirt.

You get a bunch of stuff from all the folks down with The Classical! That might sound underwhelming, but consider this: We're all avid readers, serious about our music, and stashed up with bizarre sports memorabilia. It might improve your life, or maybe just your record collection. Do you need glasses? We might have some of those in your size. This is not a joke, or a test. We will give you a part of ourselves, just shy of extracting essential organs. Plus a sticker, a Twitter shout or postcard, a chip clip, a greeting card set, the exclusive e-book anthology, a T-shirt, a hooded sweatshirt and your choice of an essay on the subject of your choice OR a FreeDarko print.

You get a signed page from Jacob Weinstein's sketchbook! And believe us, this is not a lazy scrawl, this is the center of all future conversation in your living room. (If interested in supporting at this level, please contact us for a .pdf file of available sketches.) Plus a sticker, a Twitter shout or postcard, a chip clip, a greeting card set, the exclusive e-book anthology, a T-shirt, a hooded sweatshirt, an essay on the subject of your choice, a FreeDarko print, and a large box full of awesome stuff.

You get a day of our time! Want to go bowling with Bethlehem Shoals, have David Roth lecture your Rotary Club, or swill brandy with Tom Scharpling? This is your chance to make that happen, and our writer will hand-deliver presents as well! What will these be? We don’t know, but they’ll be good. Plus a sticker, a Twitter shout or postcard, a chip clip, a greeting card set, the exclusive e-book anthology, a T-shirt, a hooded sweatshirt, an essay on the subject of your choice, a FreeDarko print, a large box full of awesome stuff and a page from Jacob Weinstein's sketchbook.

You get to edit The Classical for a week! If you’d like, you can impose your beliefs as regards the serial comma and start arguments about formatting. Mainly, though, this is a chance for you to make The Classical your own. Want to see certain writers on the site? We’ll work with you to get them on there. Have story ideas? We can help you shape them and make them a reality. Your name will go at the top of the page in lights, and your resume will prosper. It’s all the prestige, glamour, and exhilaration of running a trick-ass boutique magazine, minus the headaches (we absorb those) or the paper. Plus a sticker, a Twitter shout or postcard, a chip clip, a greeting card set, the exclusive e-book anthology, a T-shirt, a hooded sweatshirt, an essay on the subject of your choice, an essay on the subject of your choice, a FreeDarko print, a large box full of awesome stuff, a page from Jacob Weinstein's sketchbook, and a day of our time.

You are a saint or a corporation. This will not be forgotten. You get all the stuff, to be evenly distributed among your employees, lienholders, and/or the ones you love, and you also get exclusive sponsorship rights to the site for an entire month or a February plus 2-3 bonus days. Promote your brand, direct our readers to a worthy charity or spare our audience unsightly ads—it’s up to you!