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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
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New York, NY
Meaghan is a writer living in Brooklyn and working at Tumblr, which is also where she keeps her secret blog.
Melissa is a writer, also living in Brooklyn, who wants to learn to operate a printing press, but this is good for now.
Projects by Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell (1)
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Recent Posts by Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
commented on a projectChaz, Joe -- the backing period has closed on this edition of C&C. We'll post updates here on ways to support the book upon its release later this Spring. (Actually, we'll probably not be able to keep ourselves from updating with our progress here as we go. Thanks for making this addictive.) x mgg
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
commented on a project updateOh, Cindy. We may have a party to plan.
That really happened. (mgg)
A quick bit of housekeeping: - You keep writing us asking to pledge! This is ridiculously generous. Please know that we want to do this again, and it looks like you do, too? Meaghan and I are pu...
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
Posted project update #33That really happened. (mgg)
A quick bit of housekeeping:
- You keep writing us asking to pledge! This is ridiculously generous. Please know that we want to do this again, and it looks like you do, too? Meaghan and I are putting our (spinning) heads together on how to do this. One option worth revealing a little bit of now -- if everyone who has told us they'll get a story in by deadline actually does, we will have more stories than we could print in one book.
- Some textual snapshots of our party: Sasha Frere-Jones is not on Tumblr, Nic Rad posits that James Franco IS America, Chelsea Summers rocks a mean faux fur, two Katie West fans who met on an anti-XKCD (!) IRC channel met IRL for the first time in front of all of us, even in near pitch dark I sort of show up in Nikola's Fauxlaroids, Halle Kiefer offered to stand in front of the first venue and usher folks on but we refused because we needed her HERE (hey-yo), Stephen Elliott came out in a puffy jacket and told a story about nosebleeds and also book tours, and I went home with Meaghan's phone so when I checked into Foursquare this morning I Foursquared myself, and when Meaghan emailed to make a date to get the phone back she forwarded an email from one of our backers who told Dave Eggers about the book a few days ago, and god I should get back to work, and at this rate, Hendricks gin should be a project sponsor, too.
- Some of you seeking us out left voicemail for us on our secret party line, which I haven't even listened to. But I have mp3s of them and I sort of want to post them. Speak now if that's a terrible idea, you.
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
commented on a project updateI promise we'll give plenty of heads-up for the Big Release so you can book your sleeper carriages well in advance. And it's very likely we'll get to do a bit of beyond New York partying, as well. LA is on our list!
People everywhere who have sex & have feelings want to drink with you in NYC tonight
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
Posted project update #32People everywhere who have sex & have feelings want to drink with you in NYC tonight
This post is exclusive to backers.
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
commented on a projectMaggie -- We'll announce the book release date to backers as soon as we have it set. Think Spring. Levin -- ! Sorry, man. Maxwell -- We'll contact folks whose pledges are greater than the reward they chose just to verify everything when we get close to sending out books. Kyle -- DANCE PARTY GO AND HOW! http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=E2D4C6EC36E4A0B7
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
Posted project update #31Let's shut this down right -- chat w/ us for the next hour
That's more or less it. We're delirious (this is Melissa) and still listening to George Michael and Patti Smith and other artists with two names that you might like so come into this chatroom and have a dance party with us. In just words.
http://tinychat.com/comingandcrying
edited to add: "No dicks." (meaghan)
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
Posted project update #30C&C Contributors, part 11: Nikola Tamindzic (part 1: shooting sex)
Nikola Tamindzic is a photographer based in New York's Lower East Side, who is also responsible for the cover of Coming & Crying. I first saw his photos on Gawker & Jezebel, and then darting across Tumblr in rapid reblogs. Though we've shared common friends and company (literally, we've covered a few parties together for Gawker), how we originally connected was when I modeled for him, a few days after arriving in New York myself.
I've already gone a bit into how we began collaborating on Coming & Crying before we knew that's quite what we were engaged in. For the sake of this public interview, I wanted to ask him more about how he approaches sex in his work, especially in his portraits, because I wished I had the same license myself in my writing -- of having the object before you, even if she looks like a person, understood by one's audience as a model, as a character, even if it's you. Or in this case, me.
After a twilight discussion in a little bar in the East Village (on shattering champagne saucers, and why it's possibly ridiculous that my iPhone is what I chose to record this interview on), we got to talk around all of that for about two hours. Here's the first 12 minutes.
MGG: You said that you don't really shoot sex, and I agree.
NT: No, I haven't. I have done that a couple of times, but I didn't find it terribly interesting. It's a photographic truth -- the whole "Blow Up" thing? The photographer riding the model and like getting good photos? No. You aren't going to get anything.
MGG: If you're an actor in it. But you've shot couples.
NT: Even with that, I feel like, perhaps I get the most natural results by posing the fuck out of everything, rather than the other way around, when people are really going at it --
MGG: They're not necessarily present.
NT: That's just my experience, I didn't find that -- I thought the experience was an end in itself -- rather than the photos.
MGG: But watching people having sex, when your job isn't necessarily to be involved?
NT: Yes, plus, I kill erections -- like (*snap*) --
MGG: You kill erections?
NT: Well. Another guy in the room will kill your erection in no time if he's not involved in any way.
MGG: When I've shot people having sex, that was as a pornographer. I had a different set of expectations going in. The couple that I shot was crazy in love, but that wasn't what was supposed to get on the camera. I wanted it, but I know that only a fraction of my audience in that context would care about anything like that.
NT: But it's not the kind of process that I'm interested anymore. I think there's too much process and not enough result. And I may be terribly old-fashioned, by preferring the outcome to the process -- like, we all are full of amazing stories about how great the shoot was, and how this interaction was so great, and blah blah blah blah blah, and all we have are three shitty photos to show for it. I don't really care for that kind of thing. I would like something to be memorable.
So the question is, why do you do this?
MGG: Why do you want to shoot sex?
NT: Why would you want to? Not for your own titillation, because it's the obvious thing. You can get over that. You want to see if that's all you're interested in. You are naturally curious about what lies behind it.
But I feel what lies behind it is what you and I made. What I did in that month with some other people as well -- and you've seen the other photos so you know where that was going.
What is sex about? It's about abandon. It's about something falling out of you -- or, into you. Which is why there was -- I don't know how quite to put it, but that slight glistening of water, implying something being born. Your photos were able to go both ways -- you were not quite sure if something is being born, or is giving birth.
MGG: Now I can see that, especially in the second one that you posted, that was so hard --
NT: The second one specifically has that thing. Which is why I cared about it. It's mysterious to me. It's confusing to me. It was not -- it wasn't even a sexual situation, but I responded to it in that way, because something was happening that was in you.
MGG: And not anything really planned. And that's the thing which almost makes it more true to sex, rather than going in and saying, we're going to position you this way, and then turn you this way, and then we're going to get this...
NT: Yes. It is finding something that would be true to the essence of it, while still going back to the aesthetic that I want to work with. I like sex shot in a blurry, messy way -- natural light, maybe black and white -- because I think that's how we experience it. It is a blur. But that's not what I'm looking for. I might be interested in doing that in 20 years, or two years. But now, I'm interested in this.
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
commented on a projectAnthea! We've got US postage factored in. For international, one person just tacked on a bit extra in their pledge to cover. Thanks for asking! (How international is this book going?)
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
commented on a projectHah hi eric!! we will gladly sign your books for you HAH.
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
Posted project update #29ps: the secret link is...
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
Posted project update #28for the next few hours, write with Melissa & Meaghan (who are 30K feet over America and in Brooklyn, respectively)
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
Posted project update #27C&C Contributors, Part 10: Matthew Gallaway
Matthew Gallaway lives in Washington Heights with his three internet famous cats, Dante, Zephyr, and Elektra, his partner, Stephen, and the George Washington Bridge. Melissa and I have fallen in love with the bits of his life he shares with us on Tumblr, but lucky for us, and the world, he has written a novel, called The Metropolis Case, which will be published by Crown in 2011. Even luckier for us, he agreed to contribute to Coming and Crying, with a story that made me cry in a coffee shop. I can't wait for everyone to read it.
We emailed yesterday about the book, scratching on the surface of sex and storytelling and what it all means:
Q: So I have heard you, or read you, say that the world would be a better place if everyone who was behooved to write a book wrote one. What are some of the benefits, do you think, to sitting with yourself and sort of daring to do that? What did you learn-- or what does writing do for you, on an individual level, on a capital-S Self level?
A: For me, I think the major benefit of writing -- to put in psychoanalytical terms (I'm a big Jungian!) -- is that it offers the opportunity to connect with and interpret one's 'unconscious,' to have greater insight into why we act the way we do (because let's face it: it's often a mystery, particularly when we're young!), with the hope that by doing so, we become more 'human' and perhaps even more rational, i.e., less reactive. Of course I'm not saying that to write a book is the ONLY way to do this, but I think it would be very difficult on some level to write one (or at least a novel) without some understanding of who we are at a very fundamental level, which can also be important in terms of developing a sense of empathy both for ourselves and others. In my case, I grew up as something of a bookworm and always had urges to write -- I kept diaries and notebooks and things -- but it was not until I 'came out' (to give one obvious example) that I developed the patience to write anything cohesive, to really tell stories, so to speak, and I think that's probably because I was better able to decipher my own, if that makes sense. So when I talk about the world being a better place if more people wrote books, it refers to the idea that if more of us could afford the luxury (and unfortunately, it often is a luxury, given the demands -- often painful -- of daily life) of introspection and creation, I think it would lead to a more rational and considerate society.Q: Now, we found each other on Tumblr. I started following you a few months ago and the little bits from your life you share almost always put me in a better mood. I think it's very real, the way inviting people into our lives like that can affect us. So what about community? with this book, the community aspect is pretty vital. I know that reading my friends writing, or someone i admire, when they open up, helps me feel okay about doing the same. With all of the internet feedback, you can literally be encouraged to share when you wouldn't otherwise. (and clearly this goes both ways). Does it help you, reading other people's writing online (and off), to open up, too?
A: I should start by saying that 'community' is one of my least favorite words, because I think it's too often used to pigeonhole people into groups in which they may not belong, or only on the most superficial or stereotypical level, e.g., I almost always cringe when I hear someone say 'the gay community believes that ____' or the 'international community is upset that ____.' That said, I understand what you're saying and I would probably frame it terms of empathy or -- to use the terminology of the literary critic/philosopher Richard Rorty, who is one of my heroes -- 'solidarity.' To read others' words and stories, I think, is one of the best ways we can not only develop our own language, but also to understand why we should recognize the fundamental humanity of another person or group of people; in Rorty's view, the novel has been one of the great means by which our society has learned both to empathize with those who in the past would have been considered 'outsiders' (or even less than human) for whatever reason (gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity the most obvious), but also to understand humanity's capacity for cruelty to one another (Nabokov and Orwell are two examples of this kind of writer). So in short, yes, I think reading (and respecting) the work of others (whether it's a novel or an essay or a lolcat tumblr post) is absolutely essential in terms of 'opening' myself up to the viewpoint of others, and perhaps -- as a second step -- to incorporate their story/vocabulary into my own. (Rorty classifies those of us who are always searching for language like this as 'ironists.')
Q: A lot of our philosophy re: the book is grounded in the belief that storytelling eradicates shame and fosters compassion (to risk sounding utterly newnice), and that we dare each other on, so to speak, support each other, so that things have historically been not-so-easy to talk about, don't hold so much discursive power, and can be seen more as they are-- tough, wonderful, funny, sweet, scared-- etc. have you felt that way? does that inform any of your writing?
A: OMG I think I just answered that, but yes -- compassion is absolutely an element in all of this. I think this 'newnice' debate is interesting, and I happen to hate the term 'nice' because of course it's rooted in a naivete or ignorance; I would rather think of it as the new-don't-be-an-asshole movement, because I think such terminology is less likely to provoke people in the way 'nice' does (i.e., just to be labeled 'nice' makes me want to be an asshole on some level?) Now, I'm not a believer in any kind of fundamental 'truth' -- at least in the German Romantic sense of the term (although I have been tempted many times, because I love Schopenhauer) -- but I do believe that we as a society are capable of being less cruel, and part of this is rooted in the kind of compassion that I think you're referring to, a sense of encouraging ALL people to tell their stories and to feel secure in doing so. This has been the fundamental arc of western civilization, I think -- unless you want to be completely pessimistic about it, which is DEPRESSING -- but we still have a long way to go. With regard to my own writing, I think that this has been a major theme, with the most obvious example presenting myself (or some of my characters) as non-heterosexuals, but with a thought to get beneath it to their fundamental humanity, a capacity to love or hate or grieve or whatever else it is that makes us human. I personally believe that this view of compassion will eventually extend to other species as well, whether this means cats or trees or whatever else will ensure a more 'balanced' and 'humane' way of life going forward. (I think I probably just WAY out 'newniced' you, lol, but I can be a bit of a sentimental hippie at times!)
Q: What do you think about writing about sex? you do it in your novel, right? have any philosophy about it or The State of Sex in Literature?
A: Writing about sex is difficult for me personally, but I've gotten better at it and I absolutely believe that it's important in terms of developing a sense of compassion or empathy for those who don't share our inclinations. One of my own goals in writing about sex is not to 'turn on' anyone in an erotic sense (that's what porn is for) but to basically demonstrate to readers that the character is fundamentally human and that their desires, as such, should not be mocked any more or less than anyone else's. I think this is really where literary craft can play an essential role, because a good writer can pull this off with great passion or humor or whatever else, so that (again) we as readers lose sight of the fact that it's a gay/straight/man/woman/whatever and is just a person, like the reader. In terms of the State of Sex in literature, it's difficult for me to separate the question from the State of Gay Literature, which I think with a few exceptions is frankly abysmal in the modern era. I don't believe that the 'gay voice' has been adequately recognized as a component of the post-war American literary canon, and needs to be taught in the same way that the works of ethic minorities and women are (although there remain great strides to be taken here as well, obv); what's particularly ironic about this state of affairs is that so many of the early titans of the form (Melville, Proust, Henry James, Virginia Woolf, Thomas Mann, to name a few) were all non-heterosexuals, and this tradition was largely eradicated in the post-war era and frankly has yet to recover (Alan Hollinghurst, Michael Cunningham, Jeanette Winterson, Andrew Holleran, Edmund White and other post-war heroes of mine notwithstanding). But I don't want to be TOO NEGATIVE because I myself wrote a novel with several gay characters at its core (oh, and cats!) and it was sold to a major publishing house, and not once did anyone say: 'oh, you'd better turn down the gay, ok?' One of the reasons I wanted to contribute to your project is that you -- like many younger folks in my experience, which gives me hope! -- are clearly looking for the 'human' dimension in all of this, and are NOT getting hung up on straight/gay/etc. So thanks again for asking me to participate -- I'm honored that you asked and look forward to reading everyone else who submitted! (And of course the reactions of those who are generous enough to read.)
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
Posted project update #2648 hours to go (meag)
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
Posted project update #25C&C Contributors, Part 9: Tyler Coates
Melissa and I have been reading Tyler Coates' blog on Tumblr for years now, and like many people, have always felt like we've known him. Like I told him in the interview, whenever we made list of contributors for the book, we always hoped he would be one of them. The short bio in the sidebar on his blog reads, "I live in Chicago. I have a day job, I go to grad school, and I write stuff on the Internet." We met on gchat today to talk about that last part!
meaghan: So a lot of people affectionately call you Tyler Coates: Man About The Internet. We know it's sort of a joke but, you really do open up on the internet in a way that makes people feel like they know you.
tyler: I guess! it's sort of weird to think that, sometimes. The "people who read my blog" are sort of invisible, anonymous people to me? Even though I know a lot of them, I guess. It's just jarring sometimes to have someone reference something on my blog, and then I have to come to terms (again) with the fact that I DO put a lot about myself on the Internet. Last year at the Tumblr meet-up in Chicago, someone said that they were amazed at how much I reveal about myself on the Internet. And I thought that was so strange, because I didn't think I revealed THAT much. I'm "introspective" by nature, which is the polite way of saying "self-obsessed."
meaghan: Ha! Be careful, you are in mixed company!
tyler: hahaha. Well. I say all of that in jest, because I'm beating other people to the punch? Everyone is self-obsessed, but not everyone has a blog. Someone once defending it by saying that I was "thoughtful." Which I appreciated a lot, and eventually used as one of the three adjectives to describe myself on OKCupid.
meaghan: Ha! So you mentioned recently on your blog how you were understandably hesistant to write so personally for this book.
tyler: Yes, I was a little scared, mostly because I don't write about sex on my blog.
meaghan: But what put you over the edge and said yes this is something i should do?
tyler:I think my rationale was, "I can't turn down an offer to be a part of a book, especially if I'm in such good company." And I think I'm going to have to get used to being a bit uncomfortable with a wider audience reading my writing if I actually want to write for a living. And the story I wrote was also one I'd been wanting to write for a while.
meaghan:It's funny to me because when we were asking people to contribute, or thinking about people to ask, you were always on our list, from the beginning. Reading your blog made us feel like we knew you and that you had something to say, so to speak. We wanted to see you go there. Even though you never wrote about sex really on your blog, you did touch on dating and relationships.
tyler: Right. Something that I find frustrating is that I feel like I'm seen as this gay guy who is soooooo emotional. Because men, in general, are supposed to be stoic, and, hey, I've always been "emotional."
meaghan: So like when people are like, "Oh you're so EMO on your blog, you share so much." It's just relative to expectations of what a guy should be sharing.
tyler: Yeah! Personally, I hate that word (emo) because it doesn't MEAN ANYTHING. It's like "hipster" It's boring. Come up with a new insult if that's what you're getting at.
meaghan: You're right, now the word "emotional" is an insult. As if having feelings is something to be ashamed of (OY)
tyler: Right! And that's why I get so confused when people claim I share so much about myself, and they could NEVER do that.
meaghan: It's an interesting thing, especially with this book-- saying, "Yes, I have sex and sometimes have feelings about it," seems to some people like we are admitting something, when I'm thinking, "Um, we are all Human, remember? This is no secret! I know all of you experience the same thing!"
tyler: I feel like I am distrustful of people who DON'T think about it that way!
meaghan: Who don't think about sex that way? or Life.
tyler: Right. I overanalyze everything. Once someone told me that he had trouble having a conversation with me because I thought too much about stuff. Which is THE OPPOSITE OF AN INSULT. And, luckily for him, I didn't talk to him after that.
meaghan: Ha! So a lot of your story is about your first boy experience-- what made you want to tell that story, you said you had wanted to for awhile
tyler: Well, mostly because I think it's funny. Because the other half of the story is about my first STD scare ("Baby's First STD Scare"), which is always a crowd-pleasing story. I think I wanted to tell the story not because the experience affected me so emotionally (it didn't, really), but because it is the sort of experience that a lot of people have. I described the story to a lot of friends, and I heard the same thing: "I was so scared after I lost my virginity," or "I immediately assumed I was pregnant."
meaghan: yes! there is something in that storytelling, whether it's over brunch or in a book where when you say it out loud or write it and other people say "Yes! me too!" it's just the best feeling in the world.
tyler: This isn't in the story, but when I was freaking over it, my father told me, "When I had sex for the first time, I was TERRIFIED." Which is a sweet fatherly thing to hear, but also made me want to die because it was coming from MY FATHER.
meaghan: Well now you can hand this story to your children. HAHAHAHA. (God help us) Are you going to let your mom read this?
tyler: Probably not. I may eventually break down and tell her about it, but I don't think she needs to read it. For one thing, she will figure out who the guy is!
meaghan: Ha! What about the guy?
tyler: I don't talk to him anymore. I don't think I talked to him much after we fooled around the one time. We're Facebook friends!
meaghan: HAH I was just going to ask! Maybe he will buy the book.
tyler: That was why I did not post a link on Facebook! -
Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
commented on a projectTwo quick things (from mgg, still in San Francisco) to answer some questions we've been getting over email -- * If you want more than one book (of course), just add $15 to your pledge for every additional book you want, and message us to let us know how many you are reserving. * If you pledged $50 or over but selected a different reward from the staged reading event, you don't need to "downgrade" your reward in order to attend. Everyone who has pledged $50 or over is invited. 58 hours to go! God fan me now.
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
Posted project update #24About that sex (mgg, secret expanded tumblr post on what the book means today)
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
Posted project update #23Cross your fingers!
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
commented on a projectthanks everyone! wheeee!!!
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
Posted project update #22No Book Left Behind!
Meaghano, I may have only contributed what looks to be $1, but as my account was already negative $3.25 I will receive a whopping $35 overdraft fee. It was worth every cent!
Tonight we added a new Backer level to Kickstarter: for $10 more, you can send a book to someone who otherwise wouldn't be able to order it.Because last year around this time I don't think I could have afforded to buy this book.
Because I think I had something like 15 overdraft fees in 2008.
Because we are doing this so the book can get to people like this ladybird who has my heart bursting, and because I don't want any more overdrafts on my conscience and because the entire reason we are doing this project is to bring these stories to people who are excited to read them!
So if you have already given us more than necessary, to support the endeavor, or to make sure we met our goal-- well, we did it! And now we are getting a little more romantic, a little more idealistic, because we can (literally) afford to.
One of our goals, if not our primary goal, is to reach and connect with people who are reaching back and looking to connect, just like us.
I don't like the idea of leaving anybody out of that.
And I know Overdraft-Me would have really enjoyed these stories I spent the day reading yesterday, that gutted me and made me laugh and filled me with awe. Which, BY THE WAY are really, really wonderful, each of them! We have about 25 submissions now-- almost all of them! can you believe it? we have a lot of interviews to do!- and I can say with conviction (and humility!) that we have quite a book on our hands. Some are funny and about being young, some are about learning things about ourselves, coming into them, only when we're older; all of them are about things we may never really wrap our heads around, they are all an interrogation of sorts, and they are real and honest and individual, because that's what sex is.
So if you'd like to share that with someone who might not otherwise be able to curl up in bed and have a few hundred revelations and heartwarms, you can give $10 more and get a book for yourself and someone else, too (or, if you already backed with extra $$, just switch to this level. you can do it! i promise. kickstarter is pretty magical that way).
Once we get some people in this backer level, we'll put out a call for the Overdrafters to email us, and we'll send 'em some books, too.
BECAUSE THIS IS SO AWESOME AND IT'S HAPPENING. AND WE ONLY HAVE TIL THE 1ST!
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
Posted project update #21 -
Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
Posted project update #20happy love day, books (+ a party?). (mgg)
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
Posted project update #19C&C Contributors, Part 8: Tao Lin
It's a wild Saturday morning over here at Coming & Crying HQ, which today happened to be a coffee shop in Ft. Greene where Melissa and I spent the morning scheming excitedly and finding out we hit the $10k mark (!!!), but more on that later.
I fell in love with Tao Lin's very particular brand of hilarity at a reading at WORD, the "bookstore of my dreams," where he read an imagined Gchat conversation between Dakota Fanning and Haley Joel Osment (!!!)(an excerpt, I think, of his forthcoming novel, Richard Yates).
From there I found his Nerve story, "Sex After Not Seeing Each Other For A Few Days," and my affection for his very weird, painstakingly self-aware, scare quote-ridden journey towards truth (or the oftentimes more interesting just falling short of it) was very much cemented.
Having him here was a dream of ours from the beginning, and a few weeks ago, after both of us had just finished Shoplifting From American Apparel, Melissa and I found ourselves (serendipitously?) at an event for The Rumpus, where Tao was reading.
In grand literary tradition, we cornered him after a few drinks and, well, as they say, the rest is history:
meaghan: SUP tao lin!
tao: happy valentine's day
meaghan: Eeep!
tao: what other contributors have you gotten?
meaghan: Um, we have Lorrie Moore...
tao: liar...
meaghan: JUST KIDDING, wouldn't that be awesome? i would "die"
tao: yeah
meaghan: (was that a good use of scare quotes?)
tao: you should ask her. it was, good job
meaghan: Because i wouldn't actually die.
tao: yes, good job. what's going to be on the cover
meaghan: I thought you were?
tao: sweet...i have some sexy photos...on my photobooth
meaghan: HAH, send 'em over.
tao: it should be a girl though, to increase sales maybe
meaghan: Ha. That's "sexist"-- oh wait are you supposed to only use one ' vs "
tao: if you're typing in all lowercase you're supposed to use one '
meaghan: Ohhh, hahahahhahaa.
tao: yeah
meaghan: So my interviewy question is-- why did you 'agree' to 'contribute' to this 'book'?
tao: stephen elliott said yes, i saw something like $6k was raised, i feel impressed that one of the editors works for tumblr, and i thought it wouldn't be 'excruciating' to write since i could just write something that happened, in first-person. and i remembered something you wrote about me, when you came to my reading at WORD. You said i was weird, i think.
meaghano: Oh yes, I said that you were super weird but hilarious.
tao: i had linked your post on my blog, like 2 years ago
meaghan: i know! i was sort of starstruck.
tao: i was glad you thought the things i read were funny
meaghan: Do you mean them to be? i always wonder that.
tao: i do
meaghan: You read so deadpan and sometimes i almost feel bad for laughing. i dont think i laugh at any readings as much as i do yours.
tao: i mean for it to be funny. sweet...
meaghan: oh PHEW. Do you laugh IRL ever? Are you laughing now?
tao: Yes, rarely, sort of. No, i'm sort of grinning a little
meaghan: That's kind of sad?
tao: i laugh 'on the inside,' maybe. i grin a lot
meaghan: Ah. Are you someone who says "that's funny," but doesn't laugh (like Lorrie Moore says in gate at the stairs)?
tao: yes, sometimes. claire danes says that in...forgot the movie. the one with macualey culkin's brother
meaghan: my so-called life? i wish
tao: When is the book coming out, do you think?
meaghan: Well, fundraising closes March 1, so probably mid-to-late April?
tao: nice. what's the longest submission being published?
meaghan: I have no idea! We don't have all of them yet!
tao: how long is stephen elliott's?
meaghan: Hah wouldnt you like to know!
tao: hehe...
meaghan: (I think like 3 pages? maybe 4?) (Does that make you want to make yours longer?)
tao: i don't know....mine is maybe 10 pages actually, currently. i want to 'dominate' the book, jk (sort of)
meaghan: HA. That isn't a jk
tao: hehe... i feel like tumblr and twitter are owned by the same 'parent company'....i know they aren't
meaghan: Ha. So back to you! Your story is sort of like- "Things I Didn't Come Out and Say in Shoplifting From American Apparel"
tao: Yeah
meaghan: which i thought was really interesting/cool
tao: interesting
meaghan: It was very meta at times, which i always appreciate.
tao: hm, didn't think of that, but yeah. maybe i can be the new [someone] after this. john barth?
meaghan: Which one is he again? The balloon story guy?
tao: (jk) i think that's donald barthelme
meaghan: Oh yeah! I was close!
tao: this one doesnt have a main thing associated with him i think
meaghan: I'm glad you knew what i meant, though. I'm feeling pretty good about this interview.
tao: me too
meaghan: Even though i was totally confusing Barth and Barthelme
tao: that's ok, same last name 'pretty much'
meaghan: I kinda redeemed myself with the balloon thing.
tao: yeah, that was good. i only vaguely know what you're talking about re: balloon thing
meaghan: You should name your kid Barth Elme. Then i will truly applaud you.
tao: Sort of like 'esme' re Salinger. that sounds good. elme, sounds really funny
meaghan: Do you like Salinger? Seems like you might 'hate' him.
tao: i haven't read him in ~5 years, seems like i would like him 'okay'
meaghan: Wait how old are you?
tao: 26
meaghan: 'damn'. Do you feel weird writing about 'sex' or is it fine? Is it easier when someone asks you to?
tao: i like doing it
meaghan: Doing It or writing about sex?
tao: hehe...both i guess. damn
meaghan: Hahahaha. Got ya! So basically your story is telling us the stuff you kind of SKIPPED if you will in S.F.A.A.-- why did you skip it?
tao: yes. for that particular scene, it seemed most emotional/satisfying to end before any sexual things had happened w/ that character
meaghan: Yeah, without it the scene definitely comes off more paralyzed.
tao: also, for the book in entirety it seemed more satisfying to skip all sex things, it 'reinforced' the 'calm' mood i wanted the book to have, to some degree.
meaghan: It's this sort of refusal for a real narrative? I sound like an asshole. Nihilistic is too extreme, but, it's more, Here are these every day things: yelling about red shirts, sitting on benches, not talking...
tao: i think the book doesn't have a 'contrived' narrative, but that seems like something outside of not having sex in the book. wait, it does have a 'contrived' narrative, very much so, but it's 'contrived' to be 'not contrived' (from the perspective of ppl who expect a book to have a kind of narrative
meaghan: Right, hah-- a purposeful refusal of a traditional narrative-y narrative.
tao: i feel like i said all i have to say about sex, at this point, in terms of concrete description, in my nerve.com sex story, so that's another reason there isn't sex in sfaa
meaghan: Ah, your story, "Sex After Not Seeing Each Other For A Few Days." I liked the thing about a burrito in space, by the way. That was very sweet. Not sweet in the 'sweet' sense-- "HEARTWARMING." And you sure do make us work for heartwarming.
tao: oh, good re 'heartwarming'. it seems like some corporation should donate something like $25k [to the book project].
meaghan: Yeah maybe they will! Haha. Speaking of, what do you think about self-publishing? The Future?
tao: i dont know-- to sell mad units you 'need' distribution to bookstores, and you get that through a publisher, who has deals with distributors. You could make a lot more money selling yourself, bypassing stores, though, so i think it would work just as well, doing it yourself, financially.
meaghan: It's just a lot more work. But it is a fun experiment / experience. Experimence!
tao: yes. damn
meaghan: I know. I am on fire. Okay, so any last words / ideas / feelings / facial expressions?
tao: thanks for having me in the book.
meaghan: Thanks for being in the book! We are super excited you are going to be!
tao: i'm excited also, thanks
meaghan: and honored, etc, that you believe in it / us! 'maybe'?
tao: yes of course i do -
Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
Posted project update #18C&C Contributors, part 7: Maria Diaz
Maria Diaz is a writer, professional tv watcher and tv blogger -- a lady of many sharp charms and talents, and someone I met because I asked twitter for her. Turns out she lived in the same city, also spent all day on her laptop (this was San Francisco in 2008), and we knew the same internet. Though Maria is not vegan, she has had sex with vegans. That is what her story and this interview is about (and stay 'til the end for her love poem to you all).
1:04 PM
Maria: yes, let's do this!
mgg: wheep!
so! maria!
1:05 PM we lost you to the cold midwest. but oberlin is one of my favorite places. i have the diary i hauled all over campus when i was a 'prospie' sitting right on my desk right now.
have you told people there about C&C?
Maria: not yet!
mgg: it feels 'very oberlin' as a project
Maria: omg it's SO oberlin
1:06 PM in my creative writing class yesterday, we had to tell an anecdote and the one thing one guy decided to tell was about very violent sex
this was the first day of class, mind you
so i think this is the right crowd for it!
mgg: i definitely got laid in the arb so.
i concur!
1:07 PM Maria: ha! the arb!
mgg: and one of our very first backers is a guy who used to have a performance art project where he blasted industrial music in the kitchen at harkness while standing in a huge tofu mixer, pouring soy milk over his body, clad only in a black apron
without oberlin, we'd be nothing!
are there hella vegans?
Maria: yes!
1:08 PM mgg: is there a vegansexual movement?
Maria: but i don't know if the vegansexuals have a group yet
maybe it's the "animal rights" group
and vegansexuality is their true agenda
mgg: i wonder where their agenda falls on honey
1:09 PM or on lube
Maria: only okay in oral sex?
there are vegan lubes!
mgg: i mean, i know there is vegan lube.
Maria: jinxxx!
mgg: JINX
so you are fighting fire with fire in your story
1:10 PM the subject is a guy who wrote a vegansexual manifesto
which he showed you after sex?
has he seen your piece?
Maria: he showed me after the sex, the morning after
he was very proud of his writing
1:11 PM he showed me several clips, like he was pitching me, almost
mgg: HA
BLOGGER!
Maria: EXACTLY! always be closing!
mgg: /dies
Maria: he has seen my piece because this anonymous dude who reads my blog sent it to him
trying to start a fight
mgg: oh of COURSE
Maria: but he has never contacted me
1:12 PM i thought he would since his words are so precious to him
mgg: i'm not sure what's more wounding -- the description of his sexual skillessness, or the dis on his writing
1:13 PM actually
Maria: both are bad, but his lack of skills were what did it
mgg: it's sort of yelpy
to advance the food theme for a sex
*sec
like, the san francisco cult of yelp, which i can't read this story without imagining
like, the way they would be all up on a restaurant (like the one where the story starts) opening w/o a liquor license
1:14 PM and the drama of that
Maria: or a place that serves foie gras
mgg: exactly
so why not review his plating technique, as it were
Maria: well, that's part of what made me so pissed. like how dare he say that shit to me when he wasn't even any good!?
mgg: writers!
Maria: you must avoid them
1:15 PM mgg: because you never know
san francisco was so good for providing opportunities for memoir that way
1:16 PM Maria: oh man, yes.
there's a type you can only find there
i think this guy has moved onto an animal sanctuary
mgg: and the local writing scene was a little more brazen about how essentially you were all just reporting back on fucking one another
Maria: where he can be pure and avoid animal product cemeteries like me
1:17 PM mgg: i am sure his helio gets perfect service there
Maria: or his motorola Razr
let's be real!
mgg: was that a bonus for you, in doing the piece? that he might see it?
1:18 PM stephen elliott tried to say that he'd never fuck someone just to write about it
i'm not in that camp, not really
but then that you can make up for awful sex by bringing a story out from it --
1:19 PM Maria: yeah, kind of
just so he could learn something?
i just didn't want to participate in any earnest email discussions about his moral beliefs
mgg: But what about you?
Did you get anything out of it -- as a lady, as a writer?
1:20 PM Maria: yes! it's a great story, and i'm kind of in your camp, that out of any awful situation, you can at least get a story out of it
and in thinking where i was mentally that night, it was proving to myself that i could want something and get it, even if the result wasn't amazing
sometimes a lady needs to do that
1:21 PM mgg: which most people would say is so unladylike
1:22 PM but this where i look back to patti smith and joan didion and propose, once you write at all as a woman, whether it's about sex or not, you are taking a willful step outside of polite society
1:23 PM which is better than being in a workshop when it's nice out?
do you have writing project plans while out there?
1:24 PM Maria: yes, i'm taking this great class called "concepts of scene" which is all about story telling
so i'll have a lot of writing to do, just for that
this place lends itself well to writing, because there is literally nothing else to do but that, drink cheap beer and eat tofu
1:26 PM mgg: or drive to Cleveland to buy porn
thank god some college towns have a sense of history about them!
maria, where can people find you on the internet right now?
(outside of gchat)
Maria: my tumblr! which is at onesharpbroad but gchat is where i take visitors
1:27 PM like a lady does
mgg: i will pass that along.
and thank you for the story -- i'm editing it now (with a submission we got that i can't believe we got, which has phrases like "went down" and "cum" in quotes, with all sincerity.)
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
commented on a projectHa, James, do not worry, Melissa and I are lifetime pot-stirrers. I can't wait to tell my mom we are doing God's work. FREE INTERNET 4EVER!!!
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
commented on a project updatehaha, oh, we do love doozies. we did a closed call for contribs in the interest of manageability but if you have something worth fighting for, send it to us at comingandcrying@gmail.com and we will think about it!
Is the sex book working today?
This post is exclusive to backers.
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
Posted project update #17Is the sex book working today?
This post is exclusive to backers.
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
commented on a projectJames, you are tearing me up! And there's some good news for sex out there (aside from the ridiculously generous support for this project) on the political and cultural level. Check this actually sweet & smart tv news story on the opening of a community sex ed center in Rhode Island: http://www.abc6.com/news/83308422.html doing our part for doing it, m&m(gg, who takes responsibility for this longwinded comment)
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Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
Posted project update #16C&C Contributors, Part 5: Tess Lynch
Tess Lynch lives out in LA, grew up in New York, can currently be found on your television starring in a Crest™ Commericial (!!!), and is one of my favorite writers on the world wide web. She's hilarious, smart, genuine, and oftentimes delightfully, well, weird. Ya know, in a good way. A good, smart way. The best way! One of my favorite examples of the Tess Lynch Good-Weird are her much-beloved Fake Dinner Party Conversations, wherein she pretend-invites real characters into her actual home to have imaginary conversations and then writes about them.
Naturally, we thought this was the best way to introduce her:
Tess, Meaghan, William Shakespeare and Judy Blume are sitting around a conference table.
Meaghan: So, Tess, how do you feel about the ambiguity of writing for the internet? You know, considering yourself a writer, but fighting the distinction of "writer versus blogger," creating an audience yourself as opposed to --
William Shakespeare: Bring forth my vittles, for this is a celebration that calls each son of man to dine and imbibe the finest distillation of the grapes of our labor!
Judy Blume: Yeah, where's the dinner? Isn't this a dinner party?
Tess: No no, it's an interview. You guys are going to ask me questions.
William Shakespeare: But what countrywoman, who sayest thou thou art?
Tess: I'm Tess Lynch. I'm contributing to Coming & Crying.
Judy Blume: David Lynch? I've heard of him.
Meaghan: This is kind of what I was getting at with my question. About writing versus blogging.
Tess: It's hard to accept the possibility of the decline of paperbacks, libraries, and dust jackets. It's really hard. But at the same time, I think I'm in a better position because of blogging than I would be if it were just me with a scroll and a quill.
[William Shakespeare nods in appreciation.]
Tess: [cont'd] Being able to visualize your audience -- and, often, you're part of their audience, because you follow them on Tumblr or read them in The Awl or This Recording -- makes you willing to open up to them in a way you can't with print. There is, you know, a sense of community. It makes me optimistic about the validity of new media. That's why your book is so exciting!
Judy Blume: Thank you.
Tess: I was talking to Meaghan.
Judy Blume: What book is this?
Meaghan: A non-fiction sex anthology. Actually, Judy, Tess and I both thought of you as a kind of milestone sex writer. You taught us a lot.
Judy Blume: Why, Meaghan -- I'm touched.
Meaghan: Yeah, it was basically you and, you know, the instructions in our mom's tampon boxes.
William Shakespeare: And also Othello.
Tess: That didn't make the list.
William Shakespeare: This interview creeps at a petty pace.
Meaghan: Next one was...[shuffles notecards]...Judy, close your ears for a second.
Judy Blume: Why?
Meaghan: I feel like you're going to be offended. Don't be offended!
[Judy Blume earmuffs]
Meaghan: [cont'd] You used to mock the sex scenes in Forever, right?
Tess: Totally. The ski trip! But I feel like Forever was also the most honest account of sex, in a way. Judy, you can listen now. Like what's that book's equivalent now? I don't think there is one. Twilight is the opposite. In sixth grade my friends and I would read parts of Forever aloud to make each other uncomfortable. But how explicit it was is so relatable.
William Shakespeare: Just like in Othello!
Tess: I think this book is brave. It's easy to get around writing about sex, and maybe that's what makes it awkward to read, sometimes. But it's also the parts you skip to, dog-ear. They make you feel something. And it's great to get the opportunity to get this volume as a real-life book, because sex is more sexy when it's not on a computer screen.
Judy Blume: That was my thinking with Summer Sisters. -
Melissa Gira Grant and Meaghan O'Connell
commented on a project updatehah! lou is so the best, right?
C&C Contributors, Part 4: Lou Noble
I discovered Lou the way we discovered most of our contributors: online. His Tumblr took me to his Flickr
